


Love and Lies

by GabrielleFanfictions



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Awkward Dates, Blushing, Boys Kissing, Bulimia, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Cute, Cute Kids, DaiSuga Week, Destroying Childhood Memories, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Getting to Know Each Other, Kagehina Month, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Relationship(s), Sad, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, This Is STUPID, TsukkiYama Month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabrielleFanfictions/pseuds/GabrielleFanfictions
Summary: Nobody ever wondered why Tsukishima never ate. They just thought he wasn't hungry. Everyone thought it was just normal for him.Kei Tsukishima has had bulimia and anorexia ever since 1st year of High School. He never told anybody about this and acted like he was fine. When in reality, he was breaking deep inside.One day after practice, they're walking home together, when Tsukishima forgets his notebook. Yamaguchi decides to return it to him. When he goes up to Tsukishima's room, he sees something that he never expected to see from his 'cool' and 'confident' best friend.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 133





	1. An awful sight

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that this chapter is so short. I write on Wattpad, so this story is there too and I swear the chapters get longer, just hang on-

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked down the narrow road that led out of the school.

Yamaguchi chatted happily to his best friend, who nodded in response.

"I need to check in my school bag for something, hold this" Tsukishima thrust a notebook at Yamaguchi and started digging around in his bag.

When he finished, Tsukishima looked at where they were and checked his watch.   
"I need to get home now, see you tomorrow Yama."

Tsukishima walked off, lifting up one hand to say goodbye and putting in his headphones.

Yamaguchi was left standing on the street, still clasping the notebook that didn't belong to him.

"Today's practise must've tired him out, he usually never forgets things." He thought, starting to walk home before shaking his head.

"I'll give it back to him. He might need it for homework."   
And with that, he turned around and walked to the familiar road where Tsukishima lived.

Yamaguchi has been over countless times, he almost lived there. Same goes for Yamaguchi's house.

The first time Yamaguchi came over, his mother was so shocked that he had a friend, she dropped a plate...

Knocking on the bright red door, Yamaguchi looked around nervously. He felt on edge for some reason, like something bad was waiting around the corner.

Tsukishima's brother answered the door, greeting Yamaguchi with a warm smile.  
"Hey, Tadashi! Kei is upstairs, you can just go straight up."

His house hasn't changed at all since the last time he was there, all the pictures in the same places, and all the furniture stayed unmoved. The picture of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stayed hung on the wall. They were only around the age of 10.

It was one of their favourite memories when they went to the beach together and swam in the sea. Tsukishima caught a crab and they made it a house out of the sand.

When Yamaguchi imagined hard enough, he can still feel the sand, taste the salty water on his lips, and hear the waves crashing onto the sand.

Yamaguchi pushed the door open to Tsukishima's room, expecting him to be sitting at his desk and listening to music, or laying on his bed and using his phone.

He expected him to say "what are you doing here Yama? Knock before you walk in." And Yamaguchi would shake his head, laugh and say his usual "Sorry Tsukki"

He just wished it would go how he expected...

When he opened the door, nobody was there. The room was empty. The only place where Tsukishima could be was the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom.

Yamaguchi shivered, he felt uneasy. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest and his shaky breaths as he tried to collect himself.

Shaking all over, he slowly creaked the bathroom door open. His eyes widened in horror with what he saw. The notebook he was holding in one hand slipped and fell onto the floor making a small thud.

His best friend, the guy he liked was half lying on the ground next to the toilet, looking deathly pale.

"T-Tsukki?"   
Tsukishima looked over at the door, gasping a little when he saw Yamaguchi.   
"Y-Yama.."

Yamaguchi glanced over to the counter, a small bottle of pills labelled 'Laxatives' was lying on it.

Tsukishima stood up, before tripping and falling back down. Tears trickled down Yamaguchi's face as he collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

"I-I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"You're not fine Tsukki! I'm not stupid, I know what you're doing. Why? Tell me, please. Please Tsukki."

Tsukishima had to move over to the crumpled up Yamaguchi, and pat his back.

"I'm fine, really. I ate some bad meat, and I had to get it out of my system. I swear I'm fine, I swear on...volleyball. If I lie to you, I'll stop playing volleyball."

"R-really Tsukki? Promise to me you're not lying. I- I don't want to lose you." He clutched at the tall blond, making his shirt wet with tears.

"I promise"

What Yamaguchi didn't know...

Was that Tsukishima crossed his fingers.

A/N: So sorry that it went from 1 to like 100 really quickly, I didn't know what to do. I stressed about this more than I should have. Also, it's my first Haikyuu!! Fanfiction, so... I tried, sorry if its trash.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter (at least a little bit) and have a good day ( '∀｀)


	2. Things get worse.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(

After a couple minutes of just holding onto each other, Yamaguchi edged away. "It's getting late, I should leave-"

"Don't go!" Tsukishima interrupted, holding onto Yamaguchi's sleeve. He saw how worried Tsukishima looked his eyes were misty and his face was pale, Yamaguchi's heart pounded. It was rare for his best friend to hold onto him like that.

Smiling a little, Yamaguchi pulled out his phone and told his mom about him staying over. Tsukishima's parents were used to surprise visits, so they didn't really mind whether he stayed over or not.

The air felt heavy and thick the atmosphere was uncomfortable as well "It's not like Tsukki to basically beg me to stay...he must be really upset."

Tsukishima was shaking slightly, his lip trembling as he adjusted his glasses. They steamed up when he lifted them back onto the bridge of his nose since his face was hot.

"Oh here! I'll clean them for you." Yamaguchi took off the blonde's glasses and wiped them on the special cloth he had as a spare, just in case he lost his own one.

Slipping them back on his face, he noticed that Tsukishima's face was dusted with a slight blush.

Yamaguchi brushed it off, and diagnosed it as nervousness, feeling sick or the fact that he literally was sick a few minutes ago.

"After all, there's no hope that Tsukki likes me back, is there? He's going to find some cute girl to date, and he'll be happy. And... I'll just have to be happy for him, and have his back no matter what."

"T-Tsukki. What about sleeping? Where should I sleep?" He asked, scooting away slightly and looking at the wooden floor.

"I have an idea." 

And that's how Tadashi Yamaguchi ended up sleeping next to the guy he liked.   
A faint blush crept on his cheeks as Tsukishima shifted positions to face Yamaguchi. Their faces were inches away from each other, and Yamaguchi could feel the hot air on him as he breathed out.

He was already asleep, but Yamaguchi wasn't able to. Not with all the worries he had bubbling up inside of him.

First of all, he's in bed with his crush, then he's worried about Tsukishima's health mental and physical, then about liking a boy, and so on.

"Alright, just calm down. You've done this before, you can do it again." Yamaguchi sighed and rolled over to face the room.

Tsukishima's room was relatively plain, just a desk, bed, a bookshelf, a wardrobe, and a small shelf with some things on it.

His room was always kept extremely neat and tidy, unlike Yamaguchi's room.   
It's the same with taking notes and handwriting, Tsukishima's has always just been nicer.

"Another thing Tsukki is better at than me." He thought, smiling sadly. His eyes started to get quite heavy at this point, so he gave in and closed them, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

Morning arrived swiftly, and Tsukishima was the first one to wake up like usual. He glanced over at the green-brown blur before slipping on his glasses that were on the windowsill.

The blur disappeared, and he saw his best friend instead. "Shit, he looks cute. Wait no, no thoughts like that." Tsukishima shook his head, wishing that those thoughts would disappear. The last thing he would want is to turn into a blushing mess.

He then realised that they had to get up and go to school, so he (painstakingly) shook Yamaguchi awake, pretending like he wasn't just thinking about how cute he was.

They got dressed with their backs turned to each other, they'd done it thousands of times before, but it felt different this time.   
The blonde's heart felt odd the whole time. The worst part was: he didn't even know why.

"It's not love, it can't be. It's not. No. No. I must be sick, maybe the Laxatives did those. I'll maybe take one less pill than usual." He kept thinking, though deep down... he knew why his heart felt odd...

A pang of guilt hit him, reminding him about yesterday's events and how he made Yamaguchi cry. He planned to apologise, but never got around to it. About halfway through getting dressed, his head started throbbing. This was the cause of taking too many Laxatives...

They walked to school together, Tsukishima wearing his usual scowl. When they got to the school gates, familiar voices were heard from the gym.

"I win this time!"

"No you didn't boke, I clearly made it first-"

"No, you didn't!"

A loud crash was heard, and Yamaguchi ran in to investigate, followed by Tsukishima who walked extremely slowly, not wanting to see the idiots he presumed were making the racket.

Hinata and Kageyama were rolling around on the floor, hitting and kicking each other. They were broken up by Yamaguchi.  
Tsukishima's head was still sore, the one good thing was that it distracted him from the nausea he felt, which wasn't even that good anyway.

"Hey Yamaguchi, is Salty-Shima alright? He didn't even make one mean comment about our fight?" Hinata whispered to Yamaguchi, staring confusedly at Tsukishima.

"Yeah, usually he would tease us about it, or call us names" Kageyama added.

"H-he's not feeling that well. Don't annoy him today, alright?"

"We never annoy him! But we'll try extra hard, right Bakayama?" Hinata nudged the Raven-haired boy who nodded in agreement.

"Thanks, guys! Tsukki lets go! We'll be late for class." 

All throughout class, Tsukishima couldn't focus on anything except the green-brown haired boy in front of him. His heart continued to feel weird. It felt like any moment, it would beat right out of his chest.

He'd never felt like this before, and even if it was love. Yamaguchi would never like him back, or so he thought...

His thoughts swirled in his head, making his head throb even more. His stomach felt nauseous and tight. Probably because he wasn't used to eating breakfast, it was a significant change in his diet, and his anorexia and bulimia didn't help at all. The pain suddenly throbbed in his lower head, making him want to yell out in pain.

He started to get lost in his thoughts, re-playing certain events over and over like it was on a videotape, and somebody kept rewinding it. Seeing his brother at that match, not being able to block a spike that might've turned the game around if he caught it and when people picked on him.

It replayed over, and over, and over

and over

and over...

"Kishima"

"Tsukish"

"Tsukishima!"

His teacher grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him gently, making him snap out of his thoughts. The class was silent all of them staring wide-eyed at their blond classmate, and Yamaguchi was also looking back nervously, his face creased up with worry.

"Kei Tsukishima, stay back after class. We need to talk" She said seriously, before walking back to the board and continuing the lesson.

He sunk back into his chair, dreading having to see his teacher after class. She will ask all sorts of questions and want answers to them all. Tsukishima is usually what you would call a 'perfect student' He gets good grades, his notes are neat, the teachers like him (despite his salty-ness) and he pays attention in class.

"Great, now I have to deal with a headache, nausea, an angry teacher, and the two idiots during practice." Tsukishima thought, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Today is going just great..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this was awful.


	3. Chapter 3

"So Tsukishima, explain yourself.."

Tsukishima stared at the floor, his brain frantically hunting for a good enough excuse. He couldn't say that he was sick because then she would tell him to skip practise and he would fall behind the others.

If he told her that he was stressed about things, Yamaguchi who he knew was outside waiting for him, would hear that and worry about him non-stop.

And if he told her the truth about his problems, she would call his parents, Yamaguchi would worry more than ever and he probably couldn't attend practise. This was definitely the worst option...

But on the other hand, if he pretends that there's nothing wrong, Yamaguchi won't believe him, and still worry about him non-stop.

"Tsukishima! I asked you a question, what's been up with you recently?" She asked again, her voice steely and cold. "I'm fine, I just got a little caught up in my thoughts. Sorry, Miss ****" Tsukishima lied, his gaze still directed at the floor.

"Alright, don't let it happen again. You may leave." And with that, he walked out of the room, nearly bumping into Yamaguchi, who was leaning on the wall next to the door.

"Tsukki! Are you okay? Also, we have practise today remember? And oh! We're late already, let's hope Suga and Daichi won't get mad."

"mmh"

They walked to practise together, a sense of uneasiness trailing after them like a long snake. The gym seemed like the last place Tsukishima wanted to be at right now, he usually enjoyed practice at least a little bit. His anorexia and bulimia usually didn't take so much out of him, but it had gotten worse recently.

"I can't wait until this is over, I really need to get this food out of me." Another wave of guilt hit him, as he remembered the green-brown haired boy's words.

"I don't want to lose you"

That was the first time anybody said that to him. His parents and brother loved him dearly, but they knew nothing about his mental health and they would never understand it, for them, you just had to stop worrying about things and get on with life. Easier said than done. The team just saw him as some salty jerk, but Yamaguchi...

Though Tsukishima never acts like it, he cares deeply about his best friend. More than anyone. He probably would die for him, hell no. He would die for him. And he knew how upset Yamaguchi would be if anything ever happened to him.

"From this day forth, I promise something. I won't puke up my food, I will eat normally. And I will stay by his side!"

But things aren't that easy.

All throughout practise, he felt like he was going to be sick. Pain jabbed his stomach repeatedly, making him bite his lip all of a sudden when it hit him somewhere else. The taste of blood lingered in his mouth, after biting his lip too hard. It made him crave the sweet release of having no food in his stomach even more. It was like an addiction, that would come back to haunt him, that he was desperate to ease.

His head started spinning, and it didn't help when he had to jump up to block a spike. The ball flew over his hands, despite being weakly spiked.

Most of the team was staring at him anxiously at this point and Suga's 'mom senses' were obviously working well, since he and Yamaguchi were the most concerned.

When practice was finally over, Suga approached him warily. "Hey Tsukishima, are you feeling alright? Hinata and Kageyama said we shouldn't annoy you today, and that's unusually considerate coming from them."

"I'm fine, thanks..." Tsukishima slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out as nonchalantly as possible, trying to hide the piercing agony he was feeling.

"Tsuuukkkkiiiii!! Wait for me!" An out of breath Yamaguchi ran up to him, resting his hands on his knees and panting. "I was *panting noises???* I was wondering if you want to hang out this weekend?"

Tsukishima mentally flipped through his pocket calendar, he was free this weekend. Now the real question... Will he go?

"Hmm... I guess I'm free this weekend. I'll come, I have nothing better to do anyway.."

A radiant smile placed itself on his face, a smile that always made Tsukishima weak. "That's great Tsukki! Do you want to meet up at that one cafe you like? There's even strawberry shortcake there!"

The thought of eating made the blond feel dizzy, but maybe, just maybe one strawberry shortcake wouldn't hurt him? Tsukishima loved that kind of cake or at least he used to, it was simple yet delicious.   
But when his eating disorders started, he banned himself from eating them. The thought of eating one made him feel sick, but also happy and weirdly nostalgic.

"Sure, whatever..."

"Okay then! How about Saturday, at 3:30 pm?"

They agreed on a time together and set off on their separate ways. It was currently Thursday, but for the sake of my sanity we will do a time-skip because the author doesn't feel like writing 2 more chapters and is lazy (and sick, it's not Corona I swear-)

For the remaining days until the hangout, Tsukishima just lazed around. His stomach still felt tight since he wasn't used to eating so much. But he still kept his promise. It didn't make him feel better, he felt the same even when he used to puke up his food.

His head still spun, and the everlasting craving was still there. He nearly cracked a few times but managed to hold on.

One thing changed slightly though. Tsukishima looked in the mirror and noticed that he looked ... better? It was an ever so slight change, but since Tsukishima always studied how he looked in the mirror very carefully, he noticed them. His skin was less pale, and the dark shadows in his eyes turned lighter. His cheeks had more of a rosy glow to them as well.

That's only what people see outside though.

His mental health was a dark place, full of flashbacks and words. Words cruel people have said to him before. Humans can be really awful things cant they? Driving each other to the point of suicide or depression. Manipulating and corrupting each other... Tsukishima didn't like most people, his team was alright, he loved his family, along with Yamaguchi. But that was a friend love, right?

He threw on some clean clothes, had one last glance at the mirror and walked out. Tsukishima planned to walk to the cafe but turns out it was pouring rain outside, and his mother absolutely refused to let her son go out in weather like this.

Tsukishima generally tried to avoid her dropping him places because let's just say that she was embarrassing...

"Is this a date Kei? Oh my god, my handsome son has a boyfriend already! Don't worry honey, I'll let you see Tadashi. He's a good boy, don't ever mistreat him though, or else I'll murder you~."

"Mom!" He hissed at her, his cheeks on fire. Tsukishima gestured to the fully open car window, where anybody could hear their conversation. "Don't spoil the fun Kei! Anyways goodbye son. If it stops raining you can walk home by yourself! Love you~" She grinned and drove off into the distance.

The reason his mother wanted this to be a date, was because in short: she ships it. Ever since she caught them sharing a bed and saw Yamaguchi holding onto her son with blushing cheeks.

Luckily she didn't talk like that in front of Yamaguchi, if she did, Tsukishima would surely die.

( Anyways, enough about her-)

As soon as Tsukishima walked into the cafe, he heard an excited "Tsukki!". Yamaguchi was sitting at a small round table in the corner. The blonde's heart started thumping under his t-shirt, Yamaguchi looked...good. He was wearing a light blue t-shirt, with a grey hoodie on top. His usual grin that Tsukishima loved was plastered on his face, his green-brown hair looked soft and his freckles stood out more than usual.

"Not now, not now, not now. You DONT like him, he just looks cool. He's not worthy of you, so deal with it. He's going to find a smart and pretty girl to date, and I'll have to have his back until the end. Alright?" He sat down with the green-brown haired boy and immediately, a waitress came and took their orders.

Tsukishima ordered a small strawberry shortcake and a glass of water. A very simple and small meal compared to what Yamaguchi ordered.

He still felt nervous about eating, the anxiety never left him. What if he gained weight? Or it made him look awful? What if he just couldn't stomach it and got sick? Endless questions buzzed in his head, making his anxiety about eating even worse. He was... he was scared. Scared as to what might happen.

But for Yamaguchi, he would do anything. Even the thing that scares him most.

Yamaguchi made some light conversation for a while, talking about things like how History classes make no sense, and how Tanaka and Noya got scolded by Daichi and Suga the other day. 

Tsukishima mainly answered in monosyllabic words, trying to focus on not getting sick.   
Their cakes and beverages arrived swiftly, to his annoyance.

Yamaguchi happily started eating whilst Tsukishima picked up his fork and held it for a bit.

Shaking, he cut off a small piece of cake with his fork, and brought it up to his mouth. It tasted...alright. The knot on his stomach didn't untie itself, instead it tightened a little.

He ate his cake quickly, trying to get it over with quickly.

It had stopped raining, and the sun was peeking through the clouds. A slight breeze was in the air, it was a great temperature too. Almost the perfect weather.

Yamaguchi looked at the clock, and realised what time it was. "I have to go now Tsukki! My mom's picking me up. It was super fun, thanks for coming!" He grinned at Tsukishima, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

They said their goodbyes, and parted ways. Since it had stopped raining, Tsukishima was allowed walk home by himself.

On the way there, he passed a pharmacy, and remembered that he ran out of Laxatives a while ago.

"I know I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. I don't need them. But maybe if I get one bottle, just in case it won't harm me. I won't use them, they can be...a trophy."

Tsukishima kept spouting all these excuses to himself, though deep down. He knew the reason he was buying them.

At that moment, Yamaguchi drove by with his mother. He spotted his best friend walking out of the pharmacy, carrying a small plastic bag.

"Why is Tsukki at a pharmacy? Maybe he's just buying something there... He promised me he wouldn't throw up his food again. So he has no need for Laxatives"

He shivered after remembering last weeks Endeavours, his mother noticed and peered our of the window to where her son was looking at.

"Oh. Is that Tsukishima? You really should get some other friends Tadashi. I don't like that kid much. There's that one lovely girl who lives on our road, she would make a good girlfriend if you wanted one."

"I don't like her mom. She's quite mean. And Tsukki is a great friend! He's super nice, well sometimes." His mother's eyes narrowed at the 'Tsukki' part, but she didn't press further.

She never really approved of their friendship, thinking that Tsukishima was an awful person for her son to be friends with. While Tsukishima's parents adored Yamaguchi and encouraged their relationship greatly.

Their car ride was silent for the rest of the way.

After Tsukishima made it back home, he collapsed on his bed. His stomach was tight, and his limbs ached. The bag containing the Laxatives was stored in his desk, the blonde tried to forget they were even there. It was almost like they took over his mind, it was the only thing he wanted to think about.

The only thing he wanted to do now was to satisfy his cravings...The next day rolled around, and Tsukishima kept feeling...weird around Yamaguchi. He felt nervous like it was a test and if he said the wrong thing he would fail it.

Not to mention, his heart raced whenever Yamaguchi went near him, which was quite often since Yamaguchi enjoyed following his best friend around.

But it wasn't only Tsukishima that felt like that...

Yamaguchi was also feeling odd. He felt like nothing he said or did was good enough. Like that he needed to be somebody else, like that he wasn't good enough to be around his best friend.

They both had shaken it off and tried their best to continue practise as normal. School was awkward though...

Neither of them really knew what to say to the other, so it was mainly awkward silence or random conversations about random things.

Yamaguchi knew that he liked Tsukishima from the start, he had always tried his hardest to deny it and get on with life. It was hard, his best friend was always just so... cool.

His whole time with Tsukishima, he was always just behind him. The follower instead of the leader. Tsukishima was always just...ahead of him. Yamaguchi accepted it with a smile.

For him, just being around Tsukishima was enough. He was satisfied with that. He was used to coming second to everyone.

A big part of him felt guilty though, he felt like he was weighing Tsukishima down. Which led to the reason he tried to deny his crush, what if Tsukishima accepted his confession out of pity? He was stuck with Yamaguchi then. In an unhappy and undeserving relationship.

There were so many pretty and smart girls that deserved his best friend, they were confident and bold and bright, just like stars in the night sky. He was just... in the corner. Overshadowed by their brightness. 

Tsukishima, on the other hand, felt the opposite, like Yamaguchi was too good for him. Yamaguchi saw a cool and confident Tsukishima but in reality. He was anything but that...

Neither of them discussed the meeting at the weekend, but Yamaguchi did bring one thing up.

"Hey, Tsukki. After our meeting, did you go to a pharmacy? I was driving past and I thought that I saw you there."

"O-oh? Yeah. I was there, my mom had a headache... and she asked me to get her medicine... for her headache. Because it was hurting." The blonde lied, he groaned mentally at how bad his excuse was but somehow Yamaguchi bought it, he was slightly suspicious though.

They started to walk to practise together, which they were both dreading.

School was fine because it was mainly just taking notes and listening to the teacher drone on about how X = Y and how to find the circumference of a circle. 

But practise, there were other people, there was physical contact, and worst of all... there was no time to be feeling like that. You had to be quick in volleyball, there was absolutely no time to be sitting around, and contemplating your feelings.

The team wasn't stupid at all, they saw how flustered both of them were around each other, and since the team already had some couples, they knew what it was like to have a crush on somebody.

During their break, Suga and Daichi whispered to each other instead of discussing matches and other things. They are the "parents" of the team, and they know when something is up with their children. 

"Tsukishima! I would like to speak to you. Come with me please"

Daichi led Tsukishima to the secluded locker room and sat him down on a bench. Practise had already finished for today, and everyone else was either at the store close to the school or going home. Everyone apart from Daichi and Tsukishima.

"Now, talk to me Tsukishima. What's been up? And don't you lie to me, I am the team captain, and if I want you to be benched, you will be benched" His face darkened in a threatening manner, this was his attempt at scaring the blonde.

Tsukishima remained stone-faced, his usual scowl on his face.   
"I've just not been feeling the best, now can I leave-"

"Tsukishima."

"I'm already dating someone, and I can tell when something is up. You like someone, don't you? Is it our energetic Hinata? Our serious Kageyama?"

"W-WhAt?! I wouldn't like either of those idiots!" He spat out, a furious blush painted on his cheeks.

Daichi grinned, he knew how to get it out of Tsukishima. He has to deal with crushes all the time, basically, everyone on the Karasuno team is dating or crushing on someone else on the team. This was normal.

"Oh? Or was it maybe our loud Noya? Or perhaps our ball of Anxiety Asahi? Maybe it's Tanaka?" He continued to wind up Tsukishima like this, he knew he Tsukishima likes, but he wanted to hear it from Tsukishima himself.

"Is it Suga then? Well, if it's him, you can't date him. He's my boyfriend, so it better not be him.

...Or perhaps is it... me?"

He leaned forward seductively, before pulling back and laughing to the verge of tears dripping down his face.  
"Your face! I'm kidding."

Tsukishima was breaking down mentally, first, he gets pulled into an interrogation, then he is threatened, and now he is being possibly seduced by his captain.

"I don't like anybody, at least- I don't think I do... I don't know how I feel" He answered, a sincere but sad look on his face.

Daichi started to feel bad for pushing him so much, so he decided to leave it at that.

"Alright, just... Try not to let it get in the way of practise 'kay? You can go now, I'll treat you to an ice pop tomorrow."

Tsukishima shakily stood up and walked out of the room, as soon as the door shut— a new one opened.

Suga clambered out of one of the lockers and tripped over a bag in the process.  
"So, he didn't tell you yet?" He asked the captain, who had a glimmer of a smile on his face.

"No, but, you know- he's changed a lot since he first joined. He still might have a sharp tongue, and he still might be a jerk, but he cares about people. Deep down- he's a good guy. All of them are" Daichi's smile brightened as he turned to face Suga.

"Yeah, all of them are good kids. I'll really miss them once we graduate.. but hey, if Tsukishima and Yamaguchi do date, Tanaka owes me 500¥!"

They laughed and walked out of the locker room together, chatting to each other.

Yamaguchi stood waiting outside the gym for Tsukishima, twirling the strings of his jacket around his finger.

"Tsukki! There you are. Let's walk home together." He grinned, dropping the strings and adjusting his bag further up his shoulder. "Alright."

They walked together, just like they used to, before... Well before things got bad. Tsukishima kept going back over his conversation with Daichi. Were his feelings that obvious? Were they even feelings? 

————————————————————————

"You like him don't you? You're disgusting. You gay faggot."

"I don't like him!"

"Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sitting in a tree-"

"I don't like that loser, even if I liked guys, he wouldn't be good enough for me."

"T-Tsukki?"  
————————————————————————

He turned around, Yamaguchi stood there. The person who had been making fun of them ran off already, leaving the two alone in the empty courtyard. 

This was in their last year of middle school, the starting point to his eating disorders.

The wind howled around them, blowing leaves off of the tress, which resulted in a carpet of them, covering the ground.

Yamaguchi smiled weakly, he looked happy enough. But what Tsukishima never noticed until now, was how much pain was in his eyes. That there were tears, ready to start spilling. That the smile was faked.

He never noticed, he never hugged his best friend after that or reassured him.

Tsukishima walked off. He was angry, people kept teasing him like that since the two boys were always very close. He didn't think, Tsukishima just wanted the teasing to stop. They called him names and pushed him around even though he was tall. Multiple people told him to commit suicide. When Yamaguchi was around, they didn't do much. But when Tsukishima was alone, that's when it started.

He acted like he didn't care, and that he was tough. But it broke him.

It drove his self-esteem extremely low, partly the reason for his anorexia and bulimia. The other reason was... a punishment. For everything that he's done.

Because at that moment in the courtyard, he never realised that...

Your actions have consequences.

Tsukishima let out a shaky gasp at that memory. Just the pain in his best friends eyes, and how his body shook slightly. But he still smiled, he never lashed out at him or yelled at him. He just smiled... and dealt with it.

The sadness he must've dealt with, and the feeling of not being good enough weighing on his shoulders.

"T-Tsukki?" Tsukishima stopped in his tracks when something grabbed him from behind. His best friend hugged his back tightly.

"I-If you ever need me Tsukki. I'm here for you okay?" They stayed like this for a few minutes, just like when the first incident happened. Yamaguchi pulled away and checked the time.

"I-I need to go Tsukki. Bye!"

Tsukishima's shoulders started shaking. He felt dizzy and the guilt started eating away at his stomach. The wind bit at his cheeks, making them sting and go slightly red. 

Why didn't he hug him? Why didn't he tell him that he was good enough?

Why was Yamaguchi so... kind. Even after all the pain, he has caused him? After everything, he has said and done?

Tsukishima wanted to run after him, and tell him everything that he wanted to. He wanted to hug him tightly and tell him that he was there for him as well.

But he couldn't.

He just couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I never realised how crappy this was. I also merged chapter 3 and 4 to make a longer one.


	4. Double date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human orange and blueberry go on a date and drag two other guests with them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I wrote this chapter with a bad headache, so some things don't make sense :/

Its been a week. One whole week since Tsukishima was last sick. Nothing had changed from the previous week, it was almost as if he repeated the same day. Over and over and over. It was just, wake up, go to school, practise, go home, and then sleep. He felt...depressed. Like nothing was worth it if you die anyway.

But one thing was worth it, and that was seeing his best friend's smile every day. The smile that he wanted to protect, forever. It belonged to the boy he wanted to protect forever. Nothing would get in the way of that...

One day after practice, Hinata sidled up to Yamaguchi, blushing profusely. He asked him quietly if they could speak outside. The orange-haired boy tugged at Yamaguchi's sleeve and led him to a secluded area outside.

"So what did you want to talk about, Hinata?" Yamaguchi asked him confusedly. Hinata was so outgoing and loud, it was rare for him to want to speak somewhere privately. He usually just yelled everything out.

"Well, I um... I like Kageyama, and I asked him out yesterday. He...said yes. But I don't want to screw it up! So can you come with us? You can bring Tsukishima too!"

Yamaguchi laughed and ruffled Hinata's hair.

"Alright, I'll come. Just promise not to be too lovey-dovey with him"

Now all Yamaguchi had to do...was to convince his best friend to hang out with the two people he hates. This was going to take a lot of convincing...

"So, Tsukki. Are you um, doing anything tomorrow?" Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were walking home together again. For the past 10 minutes, Yamaguchi had been trying to work up the courage to ask the blond about the date they were invited on. He didn't want to let Hinata down.

"No, I'm not."

"So um, Hinata wants to us to come with him, since he's going on a date with-"

"The king. I know, everyone knows. It's obvious."

Yamaguchi sighed, before continuing to plead.

"So, please can you come? I don't want to let him down..."

Tsukishima considered it, maybe going out wasn't too bad of an idea? He could treat Yamaguchi well, and maybe that would help relieve the crushing guilt he was feeling.

"I guess I could put up with the king and the queen..." 

Suddenly, Yamaguchi turned around and hugged him tightly. Tsukishima nearly jumped out of his skin with shock from the sudden contact. His heart raced, his body shook, the ground swayed beneath his feed. It felt like a sudden drop on a rollercoaster. Very unexpected and scary, but you love the feeling.

You want to go on the rollercoaster, again and again, to experience that same feeling you love so much. It's scary, but fun.

"Thank you Tsukki. I appreciate it." He lifted his head, Tsukishima saw the familiar smile on his face, the dusty pink blush on his face, the freckles on his cheeks. If hanging out with the King and the human tangerine would make his best friend happy, he would do it every day no matter what.

.

.

.

"Remind me why I'm doing this again?" Tsukishima grumbled, walking into the small restaurant with his best friend. "We promised them. Now, please be kind Tsukki, it's their date." Yamaguchi convinced the blond to dress up nicely, and actually make an effort. The two had spent the morning together, getting ready for their hangout.

The other two males were already sitting at the booked table, arguing over stupid things like which drink was better. "Oh! There they are! Hey Yamaguchi, and hey to you too Saltyshima." The shorter male waved his hand to them and beckoned them to the table.

Tsukishima groaned and followed the green-brown haired boy. After sitting down, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima looked at their menu's and decided on what food and drink they want.

When their food arrived, it smelled pretty good to Tsukishima. He knew he shouldn't, but he tried to enjoy the food. It looked and smelled good, so that meant it probably tasted good. His hands shaking, he brought the spoon up to his mouth.

It tasted...good. He still felt sick of course, but it felt nice to eat. Was this the start to his happiness?

He found himself unconsciously staring at his best friend. He liked everything about him, his smile, the way he laughed, how his body was.

"Umm... Tsukki? Are you okay, you're staring at me?" Yamaguchi waved his hand in front of the blond's face and laughed when it startled him. He hadn't realised what he'd been doing.

"Hehe, this is a fun double date!" Hinata said, to which the raven-haired male agreed.

"Double date?" The other two said simultaneously, their heads cocked sideways.

"Yeah?"

"B-but. We aren't dating.." Yamaguchi laughed weakly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Hinata and Kageyama looked at each other in confusion.

"Oh... We thought you were dating." Kageyama speaks up, his face looked shocked.

"N-no."

They ate quickly, trying to clear off as soon as possible. Awkward silence floated about in the air, before the orange-haired male broke the silence.

"Anyway, we should pay and go have some fun outside!"

They each paid for their own meals and strolled out of the restaurant.  
It was a semi-cloudy day, the sun peeked through the grey clouds and made the air warm.

Since the restaurant was across the street from a small park, they all agreed to go and hang out there.

They spent a while just messing around, well- Kageyama pushed Hinata into a pond after he called him names, and then Yamaguchi had to fish him out but ended up falling in during the process.

Now both were shivering and cold. Kageyama kindly handed Hinata his jacket, mumbling an apology for pushing him into the pond.

"W-we should go soon. It's freezing" Yamaguchi shivered, his clothes soaked to the skin. On object was thrown at him from behind.

A jacket landed on his head, covering his face.   
"Huh?" He turned around, to see Tsukishima jacket-less.

"Tsukki?"

"Never mind. Just wear it. We can't have you getting a cold."

The other two were gawping at them, their heads swivelling back and forth to whoever was speaking. It was like they were watching a movie, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were the stars, in the middle of some drama.

Suddenly, Hinata gasps.   
"Guys! I remembered something, there's a super good ice-cream place not far from here. Let's go there!"

The other three agreed to go there and started to walk away. Yamaguchi and Kageyama went on ahead, talking about volleyball. To Tsukishima's surprise, Hinata lagged behind with him even though their conversation was about the thing he loved most.

"So~ SaltyShima, when are you going to ask him out?" He plagued the taller boy.

"We're not dating you human orange."

"Okay~"

He was right though, the ice cream place was good. Hinata and Kageyama got an ice-cream to share since they wanted the same flavour. Tsukishima got raspberry flavour, while Yamaguchi got lemon.

"Oh! Yours looks good Tsukki, can I try please?" The green-brown haired boy pleaded.

"I'll let you try mine if you let me try yours!"

Tsukishima sighed and handed over his ice cream to his hungry friend.   
"You have ice cream all over your face"   
Tsukishima wiped his cheek using his sleeve.

After he realised what he'd done, he moved away quickly, trying not to make anything weird.

"O-oh. Thanks." Yamaguchi laughed awkwardly, handing back the ice cream.   
When the green-brown haired boy wasn't looking, Hinata leaned over.

"Not dating you say~" he whispered into the blond's ear, giggling when he turned as red as his ice cream.

"Shut up you idiot" He gritted his teeth and used all his might to shove the annoying boy away. Hinata ended up falling backwards, colliding with Kageyama, they both collapsed to the ground, yelling and kicking.

"Tsukki! Why'd you push him?" Yamaguchi turned around, spotting Tsukishima glaring daggers at the other two.

"He was basically asking for it..." 

Soon enough, the date ended and the boys had to part ways. Kageyama leaned down to his short date, and kissed him quickly, before turning around and leaving.

Blushing, the other male ran after him, and in the meantime started a race between the two.

"Disgusting. Don't they have any shame? There are children here" Tsukishima grimaced in disgust, while his friend laughed at the reaction.

"We should start heading back Tsukki. It's getting late." He gave Tsukishima one of those amazing smiles, the smile that he was weak for.

"Yeah... let's head back." He stared at the small male, wondering how someone could look that cute. But then regretting his decision. The more he looked, the more he blushed. 

"I don't like him though, even if I did...  
He wouldn't love me back. I...lied to him. And love...can't come out of lies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D


	5. Chapter 5

It was the final set against Aoba Johsai, and both teams were at set point. This point would decide the winner of the match. Everyone was determined to win, and have their hard work and perseverance pay off.

Oikawa did one of his killer serves, luckily Noya managed to keep it from hitting the floor. He passes it to the setter.

Kageyama tossed the ball to Hinata, who jumped and spiked it over the net. The blockers tried to stop it, but it was too late. The ball fell down and hit the floor with a satisfying thud.

"WHOOOO" Tanaka roared, ripping off his shirt and whirling it around while yelling in the faces of his team-mates. Everyone was ecstatic as they shook hands with the opposing team. Takeda suggested going to a restaurant to celebrate their win. This made Tsukishima anxious. All the times he ate, it was with a few people, not the whole team.

"I...I need to go now, my mother wanted me home early." He lied, aching to get out of this.

"Don't go. This is a team celebration, and you're part of our team. You can tell your mom that you'll be home late, please Tsukishima." Suga pleaded, wrapping his arm around Tsukishima's neck and grinning. The rest of the team stared at him, hoping he'll come along.

Well, Hinata and Kageyama were in the middle of an intense pushing competition, Noya and Tanaka were going after Kiyoko, while Ennoshita was trying to stop them and Asahi was having an existential crisis meanwhile Yachi tried to comfort him but ended up crying with him. So it's only really Daichi, Suga and Yamaguchi staring at him.

Tsukishima knew that he can't go against them, so he defeatedly sighs and agrees to come. Takeda gets his car, and orders a Taxi for the people that couldn't fit in. The ride to the restaurant is noisy for the blonde, he unluckily ended up with Tanaka, Noya, Hinata and Kageyama. The noisiest people on the team. Kageyama was usually not that loud, but when Hinata and he fight, he gets very loud.

Tanaka and Noya were just screaming out the windows at people and other cars, while Hinata and Kageyama were hurling insults at each other and yelling at the same time. The Taxi driver was scared during the ride, nearly as bad as Asahi when he panicked.

Tsukishima leaned against the window and stared outside, the cold glass of the window made him shiver when he rested his head against it. The sun was starting to set, making the leaves on the trees seem orange. The sky was fading, dark blue to orange, to yellow. It was a beautiful sight. It seemed calm, tranquil.

The Taxi parked and the noisy children all piled outside, in awe of the restaurant. Tanaka, Noya, and Hinata were screaming things about free meat loudly, dancing at the same time. Takeda's car pulled up soon after, with the others in there.

The staff at the restaurant didn't look pleased to see the team there, because the last time they were there, Noya ended up breaking 3 plates, Kageyama got lost trying to find the bathroom, and accidentally walked into the female's bathroom (He ran out immediately as soon as he realised) Asahi ended up scaring multiple children, driving them to tears, and Hinata bumped into a waiter carrying meals to a table, making him drop everything.

Takeda and Ukai had to fork out for all the damage costs and food waste which was quite expensive, so they couldn't rent a bus for a while and the team had to walk to places regularly.

The waiter got them all a table and handed out the menus. Daichi made everyone on the team listen to him for a moment.

"Listen, guys, if you break a single plate, walk into the wrong bathroom, or knock people over in this restaurant again. We will be banned, and have to pay again. So be on your BEST behaviour. Got it?"

He glared especially in the way of the first years, who were terrified of their captain when he was angry.  
Everybody nodded and ordered their meals, careful not to aggravate their captain any further.

Tsukishima poured over the menu, trying to find something small to eat that wouldn't take much effort. In the end, he chose a small salad and a glass of water. Suga glanced worriedly at him after he ordered.

"Tsukishima, are you sure that's all you want? You should get at least a bit of meat to keep healthy. You don't eat enough."

"I'm fine, I don't like eating much." The blond replied, adjusting his glasses.

"Okay..."

Their meals arrived swiftly, and the team digs in. Somehow, no accidents have happened yet. Daichi kept a sharp eye on the first years, staring at them like a disapproving parent.

About halfway through, Ukai drinks a little too much wine and gets pretty wasted. Takeda, who didn't drink much, decides to take him home since he's the only one who can drive.

"I better take him home now, You guys be good! We pre-payed already, so don't go crazy with orders please!" He slings Ukai's arm over his shoulders and takes him out of the establishment.

"We better leave quickly before someone breaks something, since now we have no adult supervision apart from us two," Suga mumbled, turning to Daichi. Asahi is as old as the two of them, but he couldn't be trusted, he probably would cry if he had to look after everyone. He cant deal with one of them, let alone a whole team of them. Granted- Ennoshita, Kiyoko, Yachi, Kinoshita, Narita and Yamaguchi never really cause much trouble.

Their meals go down pretty quickly, and the team walks outside, to the staff's delight. There were many stores around the restaurant, and some people wanted to hang around there. Kinoshita and Narita went home though since they were both tired after all the noise. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I love writing little one-shots? Or whatever you'd call them. Just stories about the team hanging out. Omg I should make a book about that- tell me if you'd like that!)

"Now, don't get lost! Everyone be back here for 7 pm, so we know nobody got lost!" Daichi calls out, before walking into a store with Suga. Hinata and Kageyama went into... you guessed it! a sports shop to admire all of the equipment.

Kiyoko and Yachi went into a stationery shop to look for school things. Noya, Tanaka, Asahi and Ennoshita all crowded into a convenience store since somehow Noya and Tanaka were still hungry, so Asahi and Ennoshita went after them since if they were left even alone for a minute, the entire store would probably be in flames.

Tsukishima walked off by himself somewhere before anybody could catch up to him. That left Yamaguchi alone, he was going to look for Tsukishima but then decided against it."If Tsukki wanted to hang out, he would've waited for me. Don't be so clingy, Tadashi..."

The green-brown haired male walked along the narrow roads, stopping to look at things in the display windows. Nothing seemed that interesting, he just wanted to be with Tsukishima. Anything seemed more fun when they were together, even though Tsukishima didn't usually say much, he still found company within him.

Yamaguchi sighed, the cold making his breath visible. It was usually warm in Spring, but today it was cold. He continued to walk at a slower pace, not paying attention to his surroundings. His best friend was on his mind the whole time, and his heart kept pounding.

"N-no! Stop it! He doesn't want to date you, so stop it! Stop it! He's smart and confident and cool, he doesn't want to be stuck with someone like you! He...he said so himself..."

He stops in his tracks, overwhelmed. His head said no, but his heart was saying yes. Which should he listen to? He...didn't know. Everything was so confusing, he just couldn't shake off his feelings so easily, no matter how hard he tried.

All of a sudden, a heavy weight was placed on his left shoulder. Shaking, he turned around to inspect what it was.

"T-Tsukki?"

"I-I... I got you something, don't laugh or else I'll kill you. Its because you... well you deserve it. For working hard on your serves, it paid off..." The blonde mumbled, handing Yamaguchi a small bag.

Wordlessly, he opened it. Inside the bag, was a small silver coloured bracelet, with a small star charm dangling from it.

"I-It. It was the last one, you don't have to wear it if you don't want to-"

Yamaguchi throws his arms around Tsukishima, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you Tsukki! I-I love it" He whispers, making his best friend blush in response.  
Tsukishima was satisfied with his response and glad that he didn't think it was weird.

It actually wasn't the last one, there were multiple other choices, but he chose the one with the star since Yamaguchi is a star. Shining brightly in the darkness.

Yamaguchi pulled away and slipped the bracket on his wrist. He held out his arm and admired the bracelet with a big grin on his face.

In the distance, the clock struck 7. Most of the team was back at this point, crowding the area."So much for alone time," Tsukishima thought irritably as Hinata stumbled up to them.

"Aww, you two are hanging out! Isn't that- isn't that so cu~te, Kageyama?"

The raven-haired male nodded, even smiling a little. His boyfriend hung onto him, giggling for no reason in particular.

"Is he...okay?" Yamaguchi asks slowly, walking up to Hinata and poking him on the cheek.

"Apparently Tanaka let him drink some wine at the restaurant when Suga and Daichi weren't looking. He got pretty drunk as you can obviously see."

"You what?!" Suga stomps up to Tanaka and karate-chops him on the back of the head. Suga had sharp ears, nothing gets past him.

He then walked up to Hinata and inspected him carefully.

"Yep, he's drunk. Tanaka how could you?? He's a small child!" Hinata nearly falls backwards but Kageyama holds onto him.

"I better take him home. He can stay at mine, his mother wouldn't be happy is she saw him.."

Kageyama and Hinata say goodbye to everyone and starts to walk towards to train station.

"Have fun! And be quiet, the walls are thin..." Tanaka yells at him, earning a confused look from Kageyama, who had a pure mind.

Suga gets extremely angry and full-on punches him in the stomach, making Tanaka double over in pain.  
"Stop ruining my children's innocence, they're also underage! And anyway, enough KageHina, isn't this supposed to be an angsty TsukkiYama book?"

"Shh, don't break the fourth wall" Daichi hisses at the silver-haired male, staring directly into the reader's soul. Tsukishima's eyes are narrowed and his nose is scrunched up. "Disgusting, they should keep their inappropriate jokes to themselves." He thought, turning his head.

Yamaguchi noticed his disgust and took action. "We should also head home soon, it's getting late." He said, rescuing Tsukishima from his teammates.

"Oh okay, bye Yamaguchi! And Tsukishima too, don't get lost, be careful, and don't talk to strangers! Be safe!" Suga turned and warned, waving at them.

The two males start walking to the train station since it was too far to walk home. When they reached it, Yamaguchi turned to his best friend.

"Tsukki, thanks again for the gift! I'll treat you to strawberry shortcake next time!" He rushes up and hugs him again. Tsukishima's heart feels like it's going to beat right out. He felt so...happy and light. It felt... unusual. After his friend pulled away, he noticed how...pretty he looked. His tousled hair looked soft to the touch, his smile was dazzling, and his eyes...

His eyes were beautiful, their beautiful chocolate brown colour shone when he smiled. Which was considerably often. This time, Tsukishima succumbed to these thoughts, he didn't try to fight it anymore. He gave up trying to avoid the inevitable. It was something that he could never control, no matter how hard he tried. 

"I can't fight it anymore...There's no point. I love him, I love him so much. But, I won't tell him. He deserves better. I can hide it, that wont be hard, right?"

AUTHOR NOTE PLEASE READ, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT:

DO YOU LIKE PAIN? DO YOU LIKE SADNESS? DO YOU LIKE YOUR HEART BEING CRUSHED TO ITTY-BITTY PIECES?

WELL, I HAVE THE FIC FOR YOU! IT'S SO FU*KING SAD OH MY GOD I CRIED SO MUCH-

(this isn't a paid promotion or anything, I just liked the fic lol, the author is so underrated, go support them please and leave kind words!)

here's the link:

://www.fanficthttpsion.net/s/11966385/1/Rolling-Thunder-AKA-Dancing-in-the-Meadow-of-Fire-and-Death

I hope it works, if not just go to Fanfiction.Net and look up: Dancing in the Meadow Of Fire and Death. Also, there's a hell LOT of gore, so be careful, please! I cried so much when reading it :c. My poor volleyball babies. So get ready to mourn some of your favourite characters because there's death. A LOT of death.

Tell me if you liked it or not, I want to hear what others thought of it. Probably because of how sad it is. Like what the frick, my poor children, they've been put through so much. :(

Also, the next chapter will come out a bit later because ill be travelling, yeah I don't know why with the corona and everything. Its only a car trip though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

"I love him." Those words rang in Tsukishima's head as he watched his best friend step onto the train. "Bye, Tsukki!" He waved, grinning from ear to ear. The blonde opened his mouth, unsure of what to say to him. 

"Yamaguchi, I-" The doors shut, interrupting him, and the train started to pull away from the station. "Maybe it was better I kept my mouth shut, He doesn't deserve some garbage like me. He's an amazing, kind and caring person, who deserves someone great. Someone who... didn't treat him badly, and talk bad about him." He sat down on a bench and waited for his train, ignoring how his cheeks stung from the frigid air.

The rest of the trip home was a blur of walking, he seemed numb from the cold, or maybe it was just the emptiness he felt. As soon as he arrived home, Tsukishima trekked upstairs and crashed on to his bed, burying his head in the pillows sorrowfully.

"I've treated him awfully, I just don't deserve someone so...wonderful. Even when I talked bad about him, he just smiled. He never lashed out at me or ran away. He was always...there for me." 

The closed bottle of pills was in his desk drawer.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tsukki, Tsukki! Look, I got a 68 on that test, it was pretty hard, but I still did better than I thought!" He proudly held up the piece of paper with '68' written on it in red pen. 

"That test was easy, look, I got a 97 on it. You barely passed, that's lame." 

"Oh okay, sorry Tsukki. I'll just work harder then.." The piece of paper seemed to crumple up, but his grin didn't.

Yamaguchi worked even harder from then on. Dark circles appeared under his droopy eyes, and he had to struggle to stay awake in class. Tsukishima never took it in, until now, just how late his best friend stayed up just to be on the same level as him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The closed bottle of pills was on his desk.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hah, look at him. How pathetic" A group of children jeered at the brown-green haired boy, who was standing in the middle. One of them pushed him onto the ground. It grazed his knees, making them bleed. 

"Oh crap, there's that tall one from Class 3-B. Let's go." One of them called to the others before they all scarpered. Yamaguchi stood up and brushed himself down. 

"Don't be such a wimp Yamaguchi. Stand up for yourself. What's wrong with you?" The blonde snapped, his eyes narrowed.

Yamaguchi just stood there, his knees still bled, and his hair was still covered in dirt. However, his smile was still bright. 

"Sorry, Tsukki. I will next time." This was another time that Tsukishima never noticed something. How his smile faltered when he spoke. How his lip trembled. How the boy was near tears from being pushed around for the 10th time this week.

How...broken his spirit seemed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The open bottle of pills was on his desk.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Tsukki," This was in their last year of Junior High, they were about to start High school.

"Do you think we'll be friends, even when we finish High school?" 

"I don't know Yamaguchi, maybe?" The blonde grumbled back, turning his head away. They continued to walk for a minute before Yamaguchi spoke up again.

"But do you think we will? Yes or no."

"Shut up Yamaguchi, you're doing my head in."

"But Tsukki-"

He cracked. Tsukishima regrets this day to the fullest. He would do anything to go back and re-do this day. The guilt still looms over him like a dark shadow.

"Shut the fuck up, I don't know. If you keep annoying me like this, maybe I'll just get some other friend, maybe they won't be as irritating." He finally turned to look at his friend. Yamaguchi's eyes were glistening with tears.

"S-Sorry, Tsukki." The tears spilt, his voice wobbled. But he still smiled nonetheless. He hastily wiped his eyes and carried on like nothing happened, though he walked in complete silence now. Tsukishima knew it hurt him, maybe that was his intention at the time. 

At the time he never realised just how much he had hurt him, at the time he never realised how much he would regret his words, at the time, he never realised how much he loved this boy.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The open bottle of pills was in his hand.

Tsukishima stared at the bottle, his hands were shaking, causing some of the small pills to fall into his hand. He just kept seeing his friends tears, and how broken he looked. He couldn't stand it anymore, he deserved this.

The blonde popped a couple of the pills in his mouth and went to the bathroom. His stomach started to ache before he was sick. It felt better. It felt right... Like scratching an itch that had been irritating you for a while. He didn't want to eat again, this was much better.

He had gotten what he deserved. Yamaguchi was the only one he ever loved, but he didn't deserve someone so amazing. He was sweet and kind, the complete opposite of Tsukishima. Even though he had treated him so... horribly. He still hung around by his side. Why? Why? What did he do that was so great, to make him stay with him until the end. Yamaguchi was gaining nothing out of being his friend. Tsukishima pounded the wall that was next to him in pure frustration. He was seething with anger, confusion and guilt. His parents worked late and Akiteru was at a friends house, staying the night, so nobody could hear him, nobody could save him from his misery.

"Why... just why does he bother? He just really hate me by now..." Tsukishima caught sight of himself in the mirror. His face was pale, and his hair was matted to his forehead with sweat. "What a disgusting sight.." 

Tsukishima stood up and rinsed his mouth with water, trying to wash away the evidence of what he had just done. "I...broke my promise." That suddenly hit him, he broke the promise he made Yamaguchi. He had worked so hard to keep it, but he just wasn't strong enough.

He wants to make Yamaguchi happy, but some things are just impossible to do. 

"I-I... He doesn't deserve someone like me. Yamaguchi isn't in love with you anyways. I just have to get rid of these feelings, but how?"

He tiredly staggered back to his room and collapsed on the bed again. The taste of acid still lingered in his mouth, a familiar taste. His head was pounding and his limbs felt heavy. Tsukishima felt awful, about everything. His promise, how he treated his best friend, how he felt about himself... 

The real reason he went to Karasuno was to escape the people that went to his school, his past, and well- Yamaguchi accompanied him there. The real reason he treated Yamaguchi so awfully, was because of how he felt, his low self-esteem, and his frustration about everything. He took it out on him. There was truth behind everything he did and said. And there was a reason behind everything. One day he would apologise for all of this, and explain everything. 

No matter how awful he felt though, just like Yamaguchi always smiled, Tsukishima never cried. Not once had he cried over his feelings. He felt it wasn't worth it, and that he deserved all the pain and suffering. It made him feel better, punished, you could even say cleansed. He was cleansing himself from food, his guilt, and most importantly: his self-hatred. 

.

.

.

But it didn't help, not one bit. He still had to eat, he still felt guilty. And... he still hated himself.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"T-Tsukki! Wait- up!" Yamaguchi shouted out from the other end of the hallway. People stared at Tsukishima as they strolled by, snickering. His cheeks flamed up bright red, only partly from embarrassment. Yamaguchi pushed his way through people, apologising to everyone as he did. 

"Tsukki! Ack- sorry, sorry! Em, I just- yeah thanks, oh and- sorry!" He finally reached the blonde. Tsukishima didn't want to look him in the eye after yesterday. His promise, and the fact that he likes him of course.

"Tsukki, thanks for the other day." Tsukishima eyes widened in surprise. That wasn't the first time he had said those words to him. 

"Thanks for the other day" Those were the first words Yamaguchi ever said to him. Those words were the start of a friendship. Those words were the start of an attraction.

Those words were the start of something painful. For the both of them...

Tsukishima just couldn't bear it anymore, the guilt welled up inside of him so suddenly, bursting up like a flame, that he just turned around and walked away. He could feel the stare of everyone's eyes burning a hole into him, he could hear everyone starting to gossip and talk about him. By the end of the day, he was sure that everyone would know about this. After all, gossip does spread extremely quickly, just like the flu.

He was popular with girls for solely his looks, none of them knew the real him. Other than girls, he wasn't popular. Once or twice a boy confessed to him, only to get rejected, but most guys weren't at all interested since he acted like a jerk a lot of the time. 

Yamaguchi chased after him, tugging at the tail of his coat in an attempt to stop him from proceeding any further.

"T-Tsukki? Did I upset you somehow?" He only cared about others, again. He was always so selfless. He didn't seem to care that Tsukishima just embarrassed him in front of a large crowd.

Tsukishima pulled himself away from the green-brown haired boy and started to run. He didn't know where he was going to go, but he ran. The school's storage cupboard was always secluded, nobody ever went in there unless they were doing questionable activities, and that was quite rare. A perfect place to hide out until class started. Tsukishima was now curled up among the boxes of school supplies and dusty shelves. The place smelled musty, and it wasn't very pleasant to sit there for a long period of time, though it was better than being around people who would judge and talk about you relentlessly. 

No matter how perfect you were, people will still judge you. Deep down, everyone wears a mask to hide their flaws and imperfections. Sometimes those masks crumble to reveal their real selves, and sometimes they just manage to stay whole, still hiding away the truth from the public eye. Sometimes, one special person can help you to remove that mask, and love you regardless, whether you wear your mask or not.

People will judge you for wearing a mask, and even if you take it off, they will judge you for being imperfect. It was a lose-lose situation. 

That brave, confident, and snarky Tsukishima everyone saw, wasn't how he really was. In reality, he was shy, under-confident and that snarkiness of his was just a mask. And now... his mask was starting to crumble and chip away.

Piece

by

piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! I put off writing this because of school work, so I quickly rushed this yesterday at like 12 am, so sorry if some things suck.
> 
> Also if you like sadness and your heart being crushed, look up "Dancing in the meadow of fire and death" on Fanfiction.net. The author is SO SO underrated and they deserve more attention. It's VERY gory and sad, so prepare yourself...


	7. Chapter 7

It felt like an eternity in the storage cupboard, waiting for the bell to ring. Yet it also went by too quickly. Tsukishima could hear faint voices coming from outside, he swore he could even hear Yamaguchi calling out to him, maybe he was going insane, or maybe this was his punishment from Satan for ignoring his best friend, hearing the boys voice in his head all day and night for eternity. Probably not, but hey, it could happen. 

Finally, the bell sounded in the distance, making Tsukishima jump since he got used to the silence.

He carefully stood up, opened the door and crept out. The sudden light made his eyes sting, it was very different from the dark storage room. As soon as Tsukishima got out of the storage room, he wanted to go straight back in. He didn't feel ready to face his classmates and most importantly, his best friend.

Making his way to the classroom, he started to regret running away so suddenly without any explanations. Though he shook his head afterwards and reminded himself that he was doing it for Yamaguchi's own good.

After all, if Tsukishima continued ignoring him, surely Yamaguchi would leave and find some new friends, and he would be happier with them. Tsukishima was just dragging him down. 

Yamaguchi would've been way more popular is he didn't hang out with his Tsukishima, he was just known as 'Tsukishima's friend' or even sometimes as 'Tsukishima's shadow', if he gained more confidence in himself, he could show the world his true colours, and people would like him more. Tsukishima was sure of it.

He made it to class in time, his whole class, including Yamaguchi, stared at him as he strolled in. Since Yamaguchi sat in front of him, he turned around to speak to him. 

"T-Tsukki... Are you alright? D-Did I upset you? Sorry for whatever I did..." Tsukishima heart practically melted, he felt guilty for ignoring him, but he would also feel guilty if he didn't. The blonde didn't reply to him, and instead took out a textbook and started to flip through it like it was a normal book, pretending to be engrossed in the text.

Yamaguchi took the hint and turned back around sadly. Class started not long after, and it went like normal. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, just taking notes and learning. As soon as class was dismissed, Tsukishima dashed out, not talking to anybody or saying anything. 

He did this all day, hiding and avoiding his best friend, who made several attempts to talk to him or question him as to why he was ignoring him. When practice started Tsukishima was watched by his teammates, they obviously had heard about what happened earlier through other people.

Luckily, Hinata was back to normal and not hungover. Though he was complaining about his lower back being sore, though he still insisted that he could still play, and Kageyama was being strangely gentle with him, not yelling like usual and instead was helping him up and fetching him his water bottle.

Tanaka and Noya found this especially amusing, so it caused them to make several inappropriate jokes, which I'm not going to write about for the sake of some people's innocent minds. Both of them earned slaps from Suga though, but they didn't stop. You cant stop them once they get started. 

Yamaguchi was extremely confused, about why Tsukishima was suddenly ignoring him, and his own feelings about everything.

He kept telling himself it was admiration, but he knew what he really felt. It was love. He loved Tsukishima. He did ever since they become friends, at first it really was just admiration, but then it started to blossom into something entirely different, just like a Sakura tree. It starts out with the plain flower buds, and then they blossom into beautiful pink and white flowers that scent the air. 

"Did I do something to upset Tsukki? Maybe I was rude to him somehow? Or maybe I ate his cake? No... he wouldn't be this mad for something like that. Did I forget anything? His birthday perhaps? Again no, I wouldn't forget that... Maybe he's just having a bad day?" Yamaguchi sighed and dragged himself over to where his water bottle was.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Tsukishima staring at him. The blonde looked exhausted like he didn't get any sleep, and his face was paler than usual, his hair was also slightly messier than usual, which actually made Yamaguchi blush since he looked good with messy hair.

"Oh! So maybe Tsukki is tired! But even when he's tired, he doesn't ignore me. Wait... what if he- what if he found a new friend and doesn't like me anymore? He did say that I'm annoying after all..." Yamaguchi was racking through his brain, looking for a reason as to why his best friend was suddenly ignoring him. 

His worst fear was starting to become a reality now. That Tsukishima would replace him with another person who was better than him.

Yamaguchi had great pride in being the best friend of someone so cool, despite being a loser himself. It made him feel...wanted; like he had worth. He had other friends, like his teammates, but it just wasn't the same. He wanted to be Tsukishima's best friend, not somebody else's...

Suddenly, Yamaguchi has an idea. If Tsukishima is refusing to talk to him, maybe if he offered to hang out and get his favourite cake, Tsukishima probably would weaken and come along! So with what little confident Yamaguchi had, he strolled over to the blonde as casually as possible. 

"Hey, Tsukki! Do you want to get strawberry shortcake later? We can go to that one place you like? It can be my treat!" 

"No."

That was the first word he had said to him today, and it wasn't very pleasant. "B-But Tsukki! Please~?" He begged, grabbing his best friend's arm. Tsukishima sighed angrily. "I already gave you my answer, which is: no." 

Yamaguchi didn't give up though, his eyes lit up with determination. 

"Cmon Tsukkiii~, please? If I upset you, I'll make it up to you somehow! I'll do anything!"

Tsukishima nearly gagged at the thought of food, he didn't want to eat ever again. He'd rather starve. Maybe starving to death wouldn't be so bad... He gritted his teeth, this was for Yamaguchi's own good. 

"Go the fuck away. I don't want to hang out, get that into your head" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. The same thing seemed to happen to him over and over again. Why couldn't he break the cycle and just be kind for once?

His fatigue and frustration seemed to corrupt him and make him say things he didn't mean. If he could be honest with Yamaguchi right now, he would tell him... how much he loves him, and that he will protect him, no matter what the consequences...

But he can't be honest with him.

"I-I. Alright, sorry, Tsukki." Nobody noticed the current situation. Suga surely would've noticed something was up since his mom senses were always correct, but he was in the bathroom right now, and not present. 

Yamaguchi walked over to the bench across the gym and sat himself down, he tried to keep the tears from spilling, but he failed. Suga had just come out from the bathroom at this time and discerned the boy's tears. He walked over and sat down next to him. Tsukishima was across the room but he could still hear their conversation since he had rather good hearing.

"Are you okay, Yamaguchi?" Suga's voice was with filled with concern. "I'm fine." 

"No, you're not. What happened?" He asked, despite Yamaguchi's smile.

"I- I um, remembered a sad anime I watched and it upset me. One character died, she didn't even get to confess her love to him properly. She helped him get over his fears and play the piano again. And there was that sad letter she wrote to him at the end..." 

(Props to anyone who gets that reference :C )

Suga didn't believe him, he knew it was something to do with his best friend. Out of everyone on the Karasuno Team, Suga noticed and took care of people feelings the most, he could tell when someone wasn't okay or when they were lying. And right now, with the way, Tsukishima was standing alone, and the way Yamaguchi's eyes gave of the impression that his heart was shattered, he knew what was going on. That Yamaguchi loved Tsukishima, and that the reason he was sad was something to do with that.

"Alright, I hope you watch something happier then, here, I have a tissue." Tsukishima was the confused one now, why did Yamaguchi not tell Suga that he was the one who upset him? Was it to keep him from looking bad? To keep him from one of Suga's lectures? 

No, it was because he's a selfless person, always thinking about how everyone else feels. Suga mopped Yamaguchi up with the tissue, patted him on the back, smiled, and stood up to go talk to Daichi about something.

Practise was over at this point and some people decided to meet at the Sakanoshita store close to school. Yamaguchi didn't plan on staying, but when he was walking by, a bar of chocolate hit him square on the side of his face. 

"O-Oops! Sorry about that Yamaguchi!" Suga giggled as he ran over. He picked up the fallen treat and handed it to the boy. "This is for you, to cheer you up." 

Suga was more like a mother to Yamaguchi than his actual mother. His parents weren't very supportive of him playing volleyball or attending Karasuno high, they wanted him to go to one of those prestigious schools for rich people, or smart people, where you have to make sure not to break any vases or get into debt. (So many references in this chapter oh my god-)

They wanted him to become a doctor and study extremely hard at school. They never approved of Tsukishima as well, since he was apparently "a bad influence, and dragging their son down with him." 

It often caused arguments, and Yamaguchi had to stay at Tsukishima's house sometimes since his parents refused to speak to him. He was an only child, so they poured all their attention onto him. They expected the best of him. So Yamaguchi didn't get on with his parents much, he would rather have Suga and Daichi as parents if he could choose.

And if Yamaguchi ever told them that he was gay for Tsukishima...

He didn't want to think about the events that would follow.

Since Suga was being kind to him, he decided to stay for a bit and try to have some fun. It was a little better than he expected since he managed to laugh a little. It felt nice to have fun, but he was still upset deep down, though he tried not to let it show. 

Yamaguchi decided to leave when things got a little 'heated' you could say...

"Ow! Kageyamaaa, help me up. I wanna look at the stuff over there" Hinata complained from the chair he was sitting on. "Do it yourself, I'm busy dumbass." 

"But it's your fault anyway"

Kageyama wordlessly walked over and helped his boyfriend over to the isle he wanted to go to. He didn't want Hinata to say anything more that could give Tanaka and Noya more bait to tease them with. Suga and Daichi already left a while ago to study. Whether they actually studied or not is up to you, let your imagination run wild. 

Noya was currently screeching demonically while Ukai hit him with a sweeping brush. Tanaka was trying to help Noya escape, it didn't work. Asahi was crying in the corner from all the noise and because Noya accidentally did 'rolling thunder' right onto his leg and hurt it (Poor guy) But then Noya he tried to make it up to Asahi and ended up shoving him back into a stack of crates. That nearly got Noya a permanent ban from the store, though he did have to pay for all the damage.

"Aaand this is my cue to leave..." Yamaguchi silently stepped out of the shop, adjusting his bag higher on his shoulder. He was finally free from his demonic teammates.

(I oNlY sWiM fReE-)

(WHY ARE THERE SO MANY REFERENCES HERE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ANGSTY, NOT A FLUFFY CHAPTER WHERE I CAN MAKE JOKES???)

He didn't want to go home straight away since his parents would bombard him with questions and then slag off his teammates and friends if he said that he was with them.

He decided to go to the park instead, the cherry tree blossoms were in full bloom, and the wind scattered them around, making little trails of pink and white petals on the pathways. It was a beautiful sight if only Yamaguchi wasn't upset he could've enjoyed it more. 

Sitting on the bench that stood next to a Sakura tree, it reminded him of earlier for some reason. The green-brown haired boy pulled out his phone and scrolled through his pictures. He smiled when an old one of him and his best friend popped up. They were at a festival, both holding caramel apples.

Tsukishima's parents and brother took Yamaguchi along, since his parents, who are both doctors, by the way, were always working late or going to meetings or attending those rich people parties where you only talk about business and your job.

Once his parents made Yamaguchi attend one with them, he begged his parents to let Tsukishima come along, since it would be extremely dreary to go alone and talk with a bunch of adults about school. They weakened and allowed to let his best friend come along, the two ended up sneaking off somewhere to mess around and ended up getting into trouble with Yamaguchi's parents.

Now that he thought about it, Tsukishima's parents were always the ones who would take him places. The one time Yamaguchi's parents took them somewhere, it was at the park, and they ended up meeting one of their rich friends, Jumin Han and his assistant, Jaehee Kang (SO.MANY. REFERENCES) and they ended up talking with them for ages, so it got very boring.

Akiteru would play with them occasionally if he wasn't busy with school, or sometimes he would take them for ice cream in the summer. They treated him nearly like their own child.

Recently, he hung out less and less with Tsukishima, and now he was ignoring him... 

"Maybe Tsukki did really get a new friend. Well, I won't interfere with that. If he doesn't want to speak to me again, I'll just leave him be. It would make him happier anyway. I can be rather annoying after all.." Yamaguchi laughed, he continued to laugh even when the tears spurted down his face.

He was heartbroken, after all... What could you expect? 

Luckily, no people were passing by to see the current situation or else somebody would've stepped in and either, asked what was wrong, or call the police. After he stopped his laughter and tears, Yamaguchi stood up and went home.

His parents weren't home, to his surprise. Usually, they would've been home long ago, and asked him repetitive questions about his day. They expected too much of him, and often the pressure would crack him. They were one of the reasons why his self-esteem was so low. They expected way too much of him, but they still acted like they were fine with how little he was achieving, but Yamaguchi could tell that they were really disappointed in him and his abilities.

Yamaguchi crept up to his room, threw his bag next to the door, and slumped onto the chair that stood next to his desk. He felt embarrassed about his facade in the park. His cheeks were still wet with tears as proof that the incident had happened. 

When burying his head in his hands, a sudden thought hit him. "Will I ever be loved?" He was a disappointment to his parents, his best friend was now ignoring him, and he didn't have many friends.

His hands trembled as he wiped the fresh tears off his face, Yamaguchi was done with acting like he was fine. He could act as much as he wanted to everyone else, but with himself, there was no reason to hide anymore. There was no point. There's no point hiding away the crushing fear and sadness you feel from yourself.

"If nobody ever loves me, and that's not likely, since well, just look at me. I'm average, so plain that nobody ever notices me. Then I will die alone, with no friends, no family, I'll have nobody...

because I am nobody."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, and sorry if you get sick of all the referencing, I love referencing other animes xD
> 
> Stay safe, and don't die!
> 
> xxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, side of comedy, angst, angst, angst, angst, angst etc.

It's been a long long week since that little snowball of misfortune kept on rolling around in the snow of misery, growing large in size, making it become a mountain of misfortune and misery that loomed above him, and if Tsukishima tried to move it away, it would fall and easily crush him. 

Tsukishima has been feeling emotionally numb to everything after he broke the promise that he had made.

On one hand, bad things failed to make him sad, but good things didn't make him feel happy either. It was a double-edged sword I guess.

Yamaguchi made a couple more attempts to talk to his best friend but gave up after the third day. He kept to himself for the other 2 days. That was the longest Tsukishima has ever been alone. He has always had Yamaguchi to keep him company, no matter what and no matter where. And being suddenly plunged into solitude is no fun at all...

It was a nice, calm Friday evening. The sun was just starting to set, making the sky a nice yellow and red colour that was slowly blending together. The air was warm and it was the perfect temperature for a long afternoon walk. Practise was still ongoing in the gym, though it wasn't going very well...

Tsukishima just couldn't focus, so he kept on messing up his blocks and letting the ball fall onto the court that lay behind him. One time he forgot to jump all together and just stood there with a rather irritated look on his face. That was what made everyone stare at him. It was fine at first, but this was too much. 

"Hey, Kageyama. What's up with Jerkyshima?"

"Beats me. Maybe he needs to drink more milk."

"Drinking milk won't help stupid!"

Those two launched into a quite loud whispering argument, shoving each other every time they spoke. Daichi was making his way over to the angry boy before Suga stuck his arm out to prevent him from going any further. 

"Suga?"

"Don't say anything yet, just wait, Daichi, please."

Suga had a desperate look on his face that Daichi rarely ever saw. He stood back, allowing Suga to have his way this time. The reason Suga didnt want Daichi to talk to him, was because it would do Tsukishima no good, it would frustrate him more.

Yamaguchi was now the one to walk over to check on the angry blond. His heart fluttered when he got close. 

He missed him. It was torture to have to stay away from his best friend, especially when he saw Tsukishima eating lunch alone on the roof, even though he looked fine with being alone, he wondered whether Tsukishima ever felt lonely eating lunch alone.

He ate alone too at first before Kageyama and Hinata invited him to eat with them. But they spent more time arguing than eating, and the arguments were silly things like 'how to pronounce the word bagel' and Yamaguchi got roped into being the judge on whether its 'B-ay-gel or Bah-gel'. But since he didn't want to upset either of them, he ended up resigning as the judge.

Or then Hinata would force Kageyama to toss for him, by threatening him that he would spread rumours about him, though he wouldn't actually do that since he loves his boyfriend too much, he was just acting like he would, and if Kageyama still didnt want to, Hinata would try to convince Yamaguchi to try tossing to him. 

So either way, Yamaguchi ended up hungry and tired after lunch.

So after a day of that, Suga invited him to eat lunch with their group, consisting of Suga, Daichi, Asahi, Tanaka, Noya and Ennoshita, a lot of them were in different years, but they all got along well, so they just ate lunch together anyway despite the looks they got from their other classmates.

It was a much larger group, and everyone there was older and more mature, actually no, it wasn't that more mature, one good thing about it being a larger group, is that people pay less attention to you, and it's more peaceful for you. 

But that has its cons too, especially with this group. Noya was very enthusiastic that he got food everywhere, and if he didnt notice you were there, you would most likely get a chopstick to the face. Tanaka laughed at him and chatted up girls as they passed by, only to get rejected by every single girl that crossed paths with him.

Asahi was fine at first, just eating normally and shielding himself from Noya's lunchbox that flew in the air at one point, but he ended up crying after it got too noisy and wild, Suga and Daichi usually snuck away to either eat in peace or make out somewhere in private, and Yamaguchi accidentally walked in on a heavy makeout session when he went to use the bathroom.

And Ennoshita... poor, poor Ennoshita had to sit in the middle of this chaos, he smiled like a mad-man the whole time, his stretched and obviously forced smile never left him, even when Noya's jacket hit him square in the face, or when Tanaka knocked into him, hurting his arm, or when he had to comfort Asahi, who cried relentlessly and made his jacket all wet and soggy, and even when he went to look for Suga and Daichi and accidentally saw something worse than Yamaguchi had that left him mentally scarred for the rest of his life. He looked like he wanted to kill everyone there. 

But he couldn't just leave since they would follow him, trust me, he tried, but he could never escape them. He's stuck with them until the end of time.

After that, Yamaguchi was invited to eat with them by a group of actually mentally stable people. He ate at lunchtime with Yachi, Kiyoko, Narita, and Kinoshita from then on. They were sane, and it brought him great relief to know that there were some normal people on the team that he could eat with without being hit or forced to do things.

They usually talked about the weather, food, shops, and movies, normal people things. There was no scarring things, weird arguments, or noise. It was nice. Though if he was honest, he would've rather sat with Tsukishima, like normal.

Some people from the team did invite Tsukishma to eat with them, but he turned them all down, and instead ate lunch alone. He thought that the noise would get irritating and that they would notice how small his lunch was, and then offer him food, and he would get forced to eat.

"Hey Tsukki, are you alright? I know we haven't been talking but-"

"I'm fine."

Yamaguchi didn't believe that one bit, he decided to use a bit more force this time. "Tsukki, please tell me."

Tsukishima's head was pounding, and his throat burned from being sick that morning. He nearly did start crying from the pain that he was feeling. A disgusting feeling resided in his stomach after eating. 

He was sick of it; sick of everything. Sick of eating. Sick of being himself. Part of him wanted to tell Yamaguchi everything and apologise for everything he'd done and said. But the other part of him didn't want to. He would just be giving Yamaguchi another burden to put up with, the fear of knowing that his best friend hates himself, and doesn't eat properly. He would worry more than ever, he wouldn't be able to sleep or eat...

Yamaguchi was already dealing with school, his parents, volleyball, and then that. The last thing Tsukishima wanted was to make him worry.

"I-I. Go away, Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima grabbed his bag and walked out of the gym without looking back. The heavy doors slammed shut, making a loud noise that startled the green-brown haired boy.  
Yamaguchi stared back in surprise, his heart hurting. Now, the rest of the team was worried at this sudden outburst.

Someone placed their hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder. He knew who it was instantly.

"S-Suga. What should I do..?"

"Go get your man."

Suga smiled confidently at Yamaguchi, his eyes were kind and caring. Despite the sinking feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, Yamaguchi nodded in response. He was nervous about chasing after him, it would either annoy Tsukishima even further or maybe, just maybe, Yamaguchi could help him and convince Tsukishima to talk to him again and confide in what was wrong.

The sky was now a delicate orange with a dark blue at the tip, a few pink clouds drifted in the sky and the trees swayed in the gentle wind. First, Yamaguchi checked behind the school, but the missing boy wasn't there. He continued to check various places where he might be, but it all rendered uselessly. He wasn't anywhere where he looked.

Then an idea hit him, Tsukishima might be in that place. It was the only other place that Yamaguchi could think of then. Running there, Yamaguchi started to worry about his best friend. About whether he was alright or not. Yamaguchi arrived at the special place before he knew it. 

Part of him wanted to run away, and never come back, but he had to, for his best friend. Painful memories of bullying flooded his brain as soon as he got close. Yamaguchi winced almost as if someone was pushing him onto the ground right that minute.

The place where they met first was now a partly-empty vast area.

The playground had been torn up a long time ago since there was some safety hazards or something like that, it left a long field behind, with a couple of Sakura trees scattered around that were in full bloom. Sure enough, Yamaguchi spotted a tall figure crouched behind one of the many trees, their head bent downwards so you couldn't see their face.

Carefully, Yamaguchi crept towards the bent figure, trying not to startle them. 

"T-Tsukki?"

The figure turned their head, and at that moment, Yamaguchi realised how vulnerable he looked. As if you touched him, he would shatter;

just like porcelain.

.

.

.

"What do you want, Yamaguchi?"

"A-Are you alright?"

"Tch, go away. I want to be alone. You're irritating me." The blond snapped at him, turning his head away angrily. Yamaguchi was the one who snapped now, he was sick of this all.

"Tsukki shut the fuck up. I'm sick of all this crap, you're not alright. So just talk to me damn it. And stop treating me like that, you've always done this. Treat me like I'm nothing."

"And I'm sick of it, I'm so sick of everything. My self-confidence is so low right now, and you telling me to 'shut up' all the time is not helping one bit. You keep telling me you'll get a new friend if I keep being annoying. But if you treat your new friend like this, they won't be like me and stay anyway, they'll get sick of you, and go find better friends."

"So stop with all this bullshit and just treat me like a person goddamn it."

"Y-Yamaguchi..."

Yamaguchi inhaled sharply before continuing.

"I'm not finished Tsukki. And remember that one day, after some kids were picking on me, you told me to toughen up. I don't think you realised how much it hurt me, that you didn't even care a little bit. Or that day you told me to "shut the fuck up" doesn't feel so nice when its told to you isn't it Tsukki? It hurts, so so much."

Tsukishima was silent, he bowed his head down, but it was still turned in the other direction.

"So if you don't pack it up, maybe I'll be the one to get a new friend. You're my best friend Tsukki, but I want to be treated like an equal, not like some worthless scum."

Yamaguchi gritted his teeth in pure anger and balled up his fists. This wasn't over just yet.

"And...I thought that maybe you did care about me, l-like at the cafe and in town. It made me so happy, more than you could ever imagine... So just talk to me, Tsukki."

The blond shook his head and turned his head further.

"Just look at me god damn it Tsukk!! If you hate me just say it! Do you hate me that much that you don't even want to look at me?! Does the very sight of me disgust you?!" Yamaguchi shouted suddenly, gritting his teeth even harder, his cheeks were a bright red from all the shouting he was doing.

The boy slowly turned his head to face the angry boy that was lashing out at him. His mask had shattered, revealing his true self. His mask was already cracking before, but he used rudeness to tape it back together, like sellotape, but nothing is permanent. Everything breaks eventually.

Yamaguchi's eyes widened when he saw Tsukishima's face. Tears were leaking down his face, and his face was paler than usual and the tips of his ears were very red, despite it not being cold.

"I-Is he...crying? did I upset him too much?" Yamaguchi thought, guilt welling up inside him, he hadn't meant to upset Tsukishima, he just wanted to get through that thick head of his and tell him how he really felt.

.

.

.

"Yamaguchi...I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg at first I only had like 1500 words for this chapter and it was super short, so I started panicking because it sucked as well. But then after editing it I made it to 2200 words so it's good now. yay :D
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and remember to stay safe and healthy!
> 
> xxx


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm sorry...Yamaguchi."

"T-Tsukki?" Yamaguchi was completely shocked at this sudden apology, and that Tsukishima was actually crying. 

He's never seen him cry, not once, and he never thought that he will. Perhaps at his future wedding, he would; when he sees his wife for the first time walking down the aisle, or maybe when his first child would be born.

Yamaguchi presumed that he would be the Best Man for him at his wedding and stand by Tsukishima's side as him and his wife-to-be join their hearts together. It would break his heart to watch Tsukishima fall in love with someone else, but if she makes him happy, it's fine.

Tsukishima always seemed so brave and confident, like he could do anything if he just tried. If Yamaguchi had to describe himself, he would use one word: Coward. He was too cowardly to confront Tsukishima earlier, and way to cowardly to even think about confessing his feelings. His feelings would probably go to the grave with him, nobody would ever know.

"I-I... I'm sorry... It's just, I treated you so horribly because of how much I hated myself. For a few years now... I've been suffering from bulimia and- and anorexia.."   
Tsukishima bent his head down, his tears falling onto the ground below him, they made tiny wet patches that turned the dry dirt into a slightly deeper shade of brown.

The sky turned a dark azure now, and if you looked closely, you could see tiny stars glimmering in the sky, nearly being blocked out by the clouds that lingered in the sky.

Time seemed to have stopped for the two as they forgot that it was getting darker and darker. The only thing that was on their minds was the situation that was going on right now.

Yamaguchi's knees felt weak as he straightened his shoulders.

Anorexia? Bulimia? 

He was frozen on the spot, unable to do or say anything. The last thing he expected from his best friend was... this.

Deep down, everyone has their own problems and fears they have to face, no matter how confident or happy, everyone deals with their own hidden things, great or small, they still matter. It's still a problem no matter what it is.

Yamaguchi always knew this, but he always presumed that Tsukishima's problems would be something about his brother, not about himself and his mental health.

Tsukishima continued to speak, rushing and tripping over his sentences. It seemed almost as if he had a time limit, and he was rushing to explain everything before his time ran out.

"That's why I was so angry, I didnt want to eat or be around food. It started in our last year in middle school, and that's why I started to be especially rude to you around then..."

Tsukishima stood up slowly and lifted his head to reveal his mournful face.

Yamaguchi wanted to run over to him, hug him tightly, and tell him to love himself. It made sense why everything that happened did happen.

Finding this out was like finding the last piece of a puzzle and being able to complete the full picture to see what it is.

.

.

.

Sometimes it may surprise you, or sometimes you know what was coming all along.

Little details started to make sense, the way he ate so slowly, how he looked uncomfortable around food, the day he saw him coming out of the pharmacy with a small bag, the amount of time he usually spent in the bathroom, how tired and sick he looked all the time, how his head often hurt, how he had problems focusing in class, how small his lunch always was...

The list went on and on...

Maybe if he found out sooner, he could've helped? Maybe he could've been a better friend, who didnt just lash out at their suffering friend. So this whole time, he was alone. Nobody helped or cared. Tsukishima faced all of his problems alone.

And the reason he hates himself, was because there was nobody that was there for him to comfort him and reassure him. 

Yamaguchi wished that he paid more attention, worked harder to solve the puzzle that was his best friend, and then he could've gotten him help.

But that didn't happen. You can't change the past.

"A-And I regret saying all those things to you, so so much Yamaguchi! If I could take it all back I would. I care about you, though I might not show it at all."

"You mean everything to me, Yamaguchi."

"And the reason I ignored you was... because I love you! I love you, Yamaguchi. I've loved you for so long now, and my idiot self thought ignoring you would make it go away. It never did, I just kept on loving you. I understand if you aren't interested, I get it.

It's disgusting anyway, so don't feel pressured to accept anything."

"I was a jerk to you, so I understand if you hate me by now. I don't blame you, if I was you, I would hate myself too. But I'll say it one more time,

Tadashi Yamaguchi, I love you."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I'm just so sorry, Yamaguchi." Another wave of tears trickled down his face as he whispered apologies repeatedly. This was the guilt getting to him. He always felt guilty, but now after so much had happened, it was like water crashing through the barrier after weeks of struggling.

It felt good to let it all out, confess everything he did wrong and why. Part of him was terrified though, to lose his one and only friend, his crush, his teammate...

He wouldn't blame him one bit if Yamaguchi hated him, but it still scared him. Yamaguchi has other friends anyway, he has nothing to lose. 

But Tsukishima did.

His throat closed up, making him unable to speak any further. It felt like cotton wool was stuck in his throat, clogging it up. Any minute now, Yamaguchi would turn and leave, go home and forget all about this-

"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi launched himself forward onto the unsuspecting blond. They both fell backwards onto the soft grass, with Yamaguchi's arms wrapped tightly around Tsukishima's neck.

Yamaguchi could feel the blond's heart through his shirt, it was going extremely fast.

"You idiot! I love you too, I always have. Ever since we were kids. I also tried to brush away my feelings but it didnt work, because I love you, so so much. You don't have to be afraid anymore Tsukki. I'm here for you, and- and everyone else is too! We all have your back, Tsukki. I promise you that."

"I love you so much." Yamaguchi sobbed into Tsukishima's shirt, while Tsukishima tried to comfort Yamaguchi the best he could, it was difficult because he was lying on the grass, with Yamaguchi on top of him, squeezing him tightly.

Both boys had tears running down their cheeks as they embraced each other, no words were spoken for a while, they just enjoyed each other's company and presence.

It was completely dark now, the stars were perfectly clear in the hazy blue sky and the moon peeked out from behind the clouds, making their faces gleam in the darkness.

They talked for a little after their tears dried away, Yamaguchi asked questions about his anorexia and bulimia and how he felt about everything. It scared him how long its been going on for.

"You don't have to forgive me, but I'm sorry again Yamaguchi. I'm an awful person."

"I-I forgive you Tsukki, and you're not awful."

Yamaguchi realised something then, something that should've given the first hint that something was wrong.

"Y-You lied about that day, right Tsukki?" Tsukishima nodded his head sadly, his body shook slightly as he did so.

"M-Maybe if I noticed sooner, I could've helped. I'm the awful one Tsukki. I sat back and relaxed while you dealt with your problems alone."

"Nothing is your fault, Yamaguchi. Okay?"

"I'm sorry about lying though, I didnt have any other choice. It's not your problem about my happiness, I didnt want to burden you so I-"

"Shut up Tsukki! I care about you, so don't say it would be a burden for me. We can find a solution together, and help you! I would do it no matter what, because you're my best friend, Tsukki..." Yamaguchi interrupted, throwing his arms out sideways.

"And I'm scared for you, so please, get help. It's dangerous to keep doing that."

The blond took off his glasses and wiped them with his shirt sleeve, he had a small smile on his face, he looked... in pain. It took a lot of courage to come forth and tell someone you care about your problems and why you treated them the way you did. 

"Alright, I'll try to stop. I won't break my promise to you this time."

Tsukishima inhaled sharply, lifted his head, which was tearstained and pale. When he exhaled, his glasses fogged up, frustrating him since he had just cleaned them. Yamaguchi carefully lifted them off his nose and used the small cloth he kept on him to clean them.

Even though they didnt speak for a while, Yamaguchi felt the need to keep the tiny cloth on him, maybe it was fate, telling him that he would need it, perhaps for this exact moment.

"Hey, where are my glasses." Tsukishima swiped at the air around him in hope of reaching his glasses. "Silly, I'm cleaning them. Here." Yamaguchi lifted them back on his face, giving Tsukishima his sight back.

"Thanks. ehm, Yamaguchi, I want to ask you something." Tsukishima mumbles, turning to face his best friend, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah, Tsukki?"

Yamaguchi's dark eyes were illuminated by the moon, and his freckles seemed to glow just like the stars. He looked like the most beautiful person in the world to Tsukishima.

He was his saviour, the one who pulled him out of his misery. It felt like he was drowning in the vast ocean, and Yamaguchi reached in and rescued him from being swallowed up in it. If he didnt, it could've led to something worse, suicide even. No mental health problems should be left alone, you deserve help.

"I-I, Would you l-like to...maybe be my boy- boyfriend? You can always say no if you-"

"Of course I do! That's the only thing I want right now." Yamaguchi smiled brightly, hugging his now-boyfriend.

Tsukishima tilted his head upwards to face his own and used his hands to cup Yamaguchi's face.

"Fuck it, I don't care anymore... May I?" Tsukishima uttered under his breath. Yamaguchi nodded wordlessly, though he was delighted. Tsukishima leaned in and pressed their lips together. Yamaguchi's lips were soft, and it felt amazing. 

Since neither of them had ever kissed anyone, it was a little clumsy, but nothing could deprive them of the overwhelming happiness they were mutually feeling.

They shared their first kiss under the moonlight and the shimmering stars, very romantic.

"I love you...Tadashi. I'm so grateful to have you here with me."

"I love you too, Tsu- Kei. And I'm happy to be your boyfriend."

They smiled at each other and leaned in for another kiss. Tsukishima felt lighter, like the weight of his problems was almost completely gone. The feeling of his problems will never fully go, a tiny part of it will follow him everywhere. 

But he won't let that get in his way, even though its always there, you can learn how to be happy despite that.

He still felt like he didn't deserve such an amazing person in his life, but he plans to enjoy every single moment he gets to share with Tadashi in their new life together.

They've been through a lot together, all the lies and misunderstandings. But it was all worth it. The only problem that stood in their way now, was telling their parents about all of this, but they could do it, together. Nothing can and ever will stand in the way of their relationship.

.

.

.

"I guess love can come out of lies after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY HEY EVERYONE,  
> Sif this chapter is crappy, I originally had like 1300 words, and I was scared I wouldn't get near 2000 (which is around how many words every chapter is) Luckily after editing it, it reached 2000, so yeah.
> 
> Also, I might do a BoNuS chapter, so look out for that. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing for my next book, but right now I'm thinking either a Kagehina and/or TsukkiYama ABC oneshot book. Its basically one one-shot for every letter of the alphabet, and the subject begins with the letter. But I have ideas for both ships, Kagehina and TsukkiYama, so I might either do separate books about that with different prompts or mash them together and do 2 one-shots per letter of the alphabet. Tell me if that idea is bad or not, I'm still not sure. 
> 
> Also if it lets me, I might post the notes I wrote for this story, they have extra details, what the plot originally was, and things I said/thought during writing this. I just need to figure out how to post it, if not, ill just copy and paste everything here.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Stay Safe! xxx


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF AND SADNESS

School had just finished for the term and rolled into the spring break that would last a week. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima walked into the gym with their hands entwined. 

They had organised for everyone to meet up in the gym to make two announcements. It took Yamaguchi a lot of convincing to get his boyfriend to come with him and not run away, but it worked out in the end.

Their shoes squeaked on the shiny wood floor as they walked in, dropping their hands to their sides before anyone saw. Everyone else was already there, yelling and laughing.

"Tsukishima! Yamaguchi! So, why'd you call us all here?" Daichi asked walking up to the two, Suga followed by his side. The silver-haired male leaned in and winked suggestively at the boys opposite Daichi. 

They didnt understand what his wink meant, but little did they both know, was that Suga knew what one of their announcements already was.

Well, everyone except Daichi did actually. After Yamaguchi ran out, Suga rounded up everyone else and followed him, they only caught the confession, due to Hinata getting lost and picking fights with people from other teams like usual.

They didnt understand why they were crying, Suga presumed it was happiness, and they left straight after they kissed to give them some privacy, so nobody knew about Tsukishima's anorexia or bulimia.

The Karasuno team hid behind the trees and bushes there, Suga used his video camera to record it all. He planned to show it at their wedding.

Hinata and Kageyama were wondering why Yamaguchi would want to date Tsukishima, Noya and Tanaka were trying to muffle their laughter, Ennoshita was having PTSD after their kiss since he remembered walking in on Suga and Daichi while they were...busy, Asahi and Yachi were crying from joy while Kiyoko was trying to console them both. 

It had looked like a happy confession to them, they didnt realise the pain and fear behind it all, since they didnt know about Tsukishima's personal issues, well... not yet. That's right, Tsukishima was going to explain it briefly to them. Just in case it ever came up some other time, they wouldn't be too shocked.

Daichi clapped his hands twice and rounded everyone up. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stood at the head of the small semi-circle they had formed on the floor. 

"So- um. Well, firstly, Tsukki and I started dating and yeah. That's- That's the good news. And now, Tsukki will take it from here." Yamaguchi took a step back to allow Tsukishima to have the spotlight. Tsukishima inhaled before he spoke shakily.

"So, yeah we're dating. But the real thing here is my issues. For- for a while now, I've had anorexia and bulimia. That's why I would get more irritated than usual. It started at the end of Middle school because I didnt like myself much. So I hope that explains some things." 

Tsukishima's face was straight (Though he wasn't) but Yamaguchi noticed that his hand was shaking. Suddenly, comforting arms were wrapped around the blond, making him flinch with surprise.

"Don't do that Tsukishima. We will all support you if you need it." Suga informed him calmly, stepping back from the hug. Everyone else was mainly silent, apart from Kageyama and Hinata whispering to each other back and forth.

"Whats anorexia and bulimia? Is that like a bull? Can I ride on it??"

"Dumbass, it's not that. It's probably something like a horse, you don't ride on bulls, they'll throw you off."

"Shut up guys," Tanaka mumbled to the two, hitting them both on the head. His voice was filled with unusual sadness. It lacked his usual vigour and joy.

"Its when... you don't eat, I guess," Tanaka explained, not getting into detail.

"What?? But why would you not want to eat?? Food is the best, like meat buns!!" Hinata gasped, drooling at the thought of food. 

"Yeah, curry buns are great. I could never not eat them." Tanaka hit them on the head once more but never answered their questions question.

"You should've told one of us Tsukishima. But we can't change anything now, all we can do now is just like Suga said, support you." Daichi walked up and patted him on the shoulder.

"Yeah!! Your senpais are here for you!!" Noya bounced up and grinned at Tsukishima, who nodded wordlessly. The energetic libero jumped up and hugged Tsukishima, he was soon joined by Suga and Daichi.

"Oh! Oh! A group hug! I want to join!!" Hinata yelled, running over to the crowd, Kageyama followed closely behind. He refused to join in and hug Tsukishima but was forced in by Noya and Suga. Yamaguchi, Tanaka, Asahi, Ennoshita, Yachi, Kiyoko, Narita and Kinoshita joined in to complete the team group hug. 

"Well everyone, its Spring break, with no school. So how about we go for a team holiday to the beach? Sure its Spring and not Summer, but fuck that, it's warm enough. What do you guys think?" Daichi announced to the team, who all nodded eagerly.

Daichi grabbed a piece of paper from his bag, wrote out some stuff and handed it to Kiyoko.

"Kiyoko, please photocopy thirteen more of these permission slips." Kiyoko rushed off with Yachi trailing after her to go photocopy the papers. Hinata jumped up in the air and cheered loudly when the two girls came back holding a stack of paper.

Daichi handed around the papers, making sure everybody got one.

"We aren't really supposed to do this, but Suga and I are nearly 18, so we'll bend the rules a little bit. Give this to your parents and have them sign it. My uncle owns a house at the beach so we can stay there since he's away right now. But the one problem is, how will we get there? We cant use the school bus, and Suga is the oldest, but he isn't 18 yet so he doesn't have his drivers license, so he can't even drive, we cant have him drive, so does anybody have any suggestions?"

Noya put his hand up. 

"No Noya, we aren't going to pretend that Asahi is a middle-aged man and get him a fake ID. That's illegal and he would probably crash the car from nerves" 

Noya put his hand down.

The team pondered for a while, thinking about how they would get to the beach. Taxies would be way too expensive and nobody was old enough to drive. They didnt want to bother Ukai or Takeda since they deserved a break from looking after hormone-filled overexcited teenagers.

Suga suddenly had an idea, that could work.

"Does anybody have older siblings that could drive us? I know Tanaka has one, Saeko, right?"

Tanaka nodded and grinned, Saeko had driven Hinata and Kageyama before, maybe she could it again, well, this time it would be fourteen people, but it wouldn't hurt to try. He dialled his older sister's number on his phone, and she picked up after the third ring.

They talked for a bit, but after the phone call ended, Tanaka's shoulders slumped as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"She's busy that day, sorry guys." 

"Oh! Tsukishima, don't you have an older brother? We saw him at one of the matches." Yachi exclaimed everyone's heads turned to the blond who was grimacing. "Maybe that's not the best idea-" Hinata quickly dug his hand in his pocket and grabbed Tsukishima's phone.

"I know the password since I saw you put it in once. I've used it before to text people." Hinata inputs the password and pressed on the name that said 'Akiteru'. Tsukishima was chasing Hinata around the gym unsuccessfully, while Noya and Tanaka cheered Hinata on.

"Hello? Kei, you never call me, what's up?" Someone spoke on the other end of the call. Hinata pressed on the speaker button so everyone could hear. Then the over-excited redhead lifted the phone to his ear and spoke.

"Hey!! This is ack- Hinata Shoyou, I'm on your brother's volleyball team. Do you want to drop us to some beach tomorrow, please? Its a team trip, you can stay too if you-" Tsukishima snatched the phone straight from Hinata's hands.

"Akiteru, it's fine. Take no notice of that Shrimp."

"Oh but Kei! I can take you all. There's around twelve right? And with those two managers fourteen? If you all budge up we can fit. Its a six-seater car, and if we sit two people per seat, maybe even some of you can sit in the boot, and we strap the bags to the top of the car you can all fit."

Tanaka yelled loudly and ripped off his shirt, he was joined by everyone else cheering as well. They had a ride to the beach now. Tsukishima could hear his brother laughing on the other end as he could clearly hear the teams enthusiasm. 

From where Yamaguchi was standing, he saw the slightest glimmer of a smile on his boyfriends face, though he didnt show it, he cared about them. Yamaguchi knew that well. He cared enough to tell them about his struggles just so they wouldn't be shocked if they found out later.

That was what Yamaguchi loved most about him, no matter how much he looked like he didnt care about his teammates, a little part of him always did care. 

After the meeting concluded, and everyone piled out of the gym, Yamaguchi grabbed Tsukishima's hand. "Ts- um Kei. Are you going to tell Akiteru about... us? Since he's driving us to the beach, he might find out somehow. And you probably need to tell your parents eventually... and so will I."

"Akiteru will be happy, my mother will cheer, and my father won't care. The hard thing I have to tell them is about everything else. What about your parents? They won't support this." 

Yamaguchi looked at the ground. Kei was right, they wouldn't support this in the slightest. But he would need to tell them eventually. 

"I-Ill tell them tonight. What about you?"

Tsukishima paused before replying.

"Me too. Good luck, Tadashi." Tsukishima leaned in and kissed him quickly before parting ways to where his house was. As soon as the blond stepped foot into the house, Akiteru ran up with a big goofy smile on his face.

"Kei! You have actual friends! Multiple even!! I'm so proud, that little, um, His- Hit- Hinata guy! And I heard the others yelling, these are your first other friends apart from Tadashi!"

Tears appeared in his brother's eyes as he patted Tsukishima on the back.

"Get mom and dad, we need to talk. I want to get this over with." Tsukishima replied seriously, his face unchanging. "Um okay, are you okay Kei?" Tsukishima didnt reply, and instead took a seat in their spacious living room.

When the rest of the family made their appearances, Tsukishima stood up.

"So, I want to get his over with, please don't hug me or cry. Firstly, I'm dating someone."

His mother gasped and clapped her hands in anticipation.

"Who is it?? Who is it, Kei??" Tsukishima prepared himself for his mother to throw herself at him.

"I'm dating Tadashi." His mother squealed and like he though- threw herself at him. She was basically just like every fangirl in existence, squealing and cooing over this news. 

"I know you said not to hug you, but it's just so cute~ I've shipped you for years, I even have merch in my drawer I bought online. Have you kissed yet?? When did you start dating him?? Who confessed first????" She continued to bombard him with questions, which he didnt answer, instead, he questioned how and why his mother had merchandise of him and his boyfriend. 

Tsukishima decided to forget about it and presume that she broke the fourth wall somehow.

His father smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders in an 'okay'. 

Akiteru's reaction was the most unexpected. His mouth hung open and stayed like that for a while. When he finally closed his mouth, he leapt up and clutched his brother's hand.

"Wait, really Kei?! But he's so sweet and kind and you're... well... so serious."

Tsukishima shrugged and made a face that meant 'I honestly don't know'.

"But remember Kei. Break his heart and I'll break your long legs. You might be my brother, but I really don't care." He had an evil look in his eyes as he let go of Tsukishima's hand. He was sad to have to bring up the next piece of news, but it's better to get it over with.

"And one more thing. For- for a while now I've had eating disorders, bulimia and anorexia, since last year in middle school because I didnt like myself much and people bullied me,

so that's why you found those pills in the bathroom a while ago. That's why I would get angry or upset suddenly. I'm fine now, Tadashi is helping me with everything. So please don't cry-"

Tears slipped down his mother's cheeks as the thought of her younger son being unhappy with himself and having an eating disorder rang in her head. Tsukishima uncomfortably put his arms around her and patted her back. His father's face was filled with concern though he didnt react much, that was how he always was. 

He only saw his father smile three times, and those were all on a photograph. The first time was when he was marrying their mother, his mouth was creased up in a smile and his eyes shone. The second was when Akiteru was born, there was a picture of him holding the small baby and grinning at him, and the third time as you probably guessed, was when Kei was born.

Akiteru's face was pure fear. This killed the happy atmosphere and turned it into sadness. The air felt thick and heavy around them. 

"I want to go pack now. Goodnight." Tsukishima left the room and went upstairs to his room. as soon as the door to his room shut, he leaned against it and exhaled. His heart was racing. There was a knock on his door, so he stood up and opened it. 

His older brother was standing there awkwardly. "I just wanted to say, um, if you ever need me. I'm here for you, Kei. And um- I love you." Tsukishima couldn't help smiling a little, he swiftly enveloped his arms around Akiteru and pulled him close. It only lasted a second or two but it was enough to make Akiteru grin since his brother never hugged him.

Tsukishima's phone started ringing in his pocket, so Akiteru left the room to let Tsukishima answer it. Yamaguchi's name lit up on the screen.

"Tadashi? How'd it go?"

A muffled sob was heard before, "T-They- not well at all. My father is disgusted with me and yelled and stuff. My mother was crying, and I don't think they love me anymore." Yamaguchi tried to choke down his tears, but it failed.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm at the park close to school. You don't have to come-" 

Tsukishima hung up the phone and nearly fell down the stairs as he rushed to put on his coat and shoes. He caught sight of his mother, crying quietly in her husband's arms as he consoled her quietly, a pang of guilt hit him, but Tadashi needed him right now.

He sped over to the place where his upset boyfriend was. His heart cracked a little when he saw a figure with their head in their hands sitting on a bench next to a Sakura tree.

"Tadashi?" Tsukishima breathed out, carefully tapping the crying boy on the shoulder. His face was streaked with tears and fresh ones were spilling onto his shirt. Despite not liking hugs, Tsukishima cradled him in his arms and allowed him to cry into him.

"They hate me now. I'm a disappointment." Yamaguchi cried sadly. A wave of anger washed over Tsukishima, he never had liked his parents, but now, he absolutely hated them, especially his father. For the first time, he noticed a large purple bruise flowering on his boyfriend's cheek, it looked painful.

"Did... they do that?" He delicately touched the bruise and panicked when Yamaguchi winced in pain. It made him want to cry, he despised seeing Yamaguchi upset or in distress.

"My father slapped me before I ran out..."

The blond clenched his fist, restraining himself from going over there and beating the shit out of his father. "Stay with me tonight. My parents are fine, they like you." The boy held onto Yamaguchi's hand and lifted him up off the cold bench.

The walk home was filled with a comfortable silence until they reached the door.

"A-Are you sure its okay for me to-" The door already opened and the pathway flooded with light.

"Kei? Tadashi? What's wrong?" Akiteru asked concernedly, noticing Yamaguchi's tears and Tsukishima's solemn face.

"It's fine. We're going to sleep." Tsukishima pulled his boyfriend past his brother and up the stairs that led to the second floor. The angry blond dug through his wardrobe and found a t-shirt and a pair of trousers that didnt fit him anymore, and threw them onto the bed that lay opposite the wardrobe.

"Wear this, it should fit you." He turned around to let him change clothes comfortably and only turned around again when Yamaguchi called him. The two were packed together tightly in the bed, and Tsukishima only felt relaxed enough to sleep after he heard Yamaguchi's slow breaths as he slept peacefully, his tears fully dried.

So much was happening, his parents knowing everything, Yamaguchi's parents, the trip tomorrow... Before he knew it, his eyes were drooping shut as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Light crept through the curtains, waking up Yamaguchi from his slumber. His hair stuck up sideways in a ridiculous manner, and after going to the bathroom to fix it, noticed how bigger his bruise had gotten. It bit at him after he gently touched it with his thumb. 

He then remembered the trip, and how he didnt have anything. All his clothes and bathroom items were left at his house, where he didnt want to go. His parents hated him for being gay. They want nothing to do with him anymore. What if they kicked him out permanently? He couldn't stay with Tsukishima forever...

"Tadashi? Are you alright?" Tsukishima asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he stepped into the bathroom that was connected to his room. 

"The trip is today, and all my stuff is back...there." 

"I'll come with you." Yamaguchi's eyes lit up as he turned to face his tall boyfriend. He couldn't even begin to describe how he felt, it was a mixed feeling of love and admiration. He was just so amazing. It wasn't his duty to come with him to get his things, but he was doing it anyway.

After washing up, they walked downstairs together. Mrs Tsukishima's eyes were red and her smile was very stretched. Mr Tsukishima was already at work for the day, so instead, it was Akiteru rubbing her back and giving her hugs. 

The four of them sat together on the table and ate their breakfast in silence. Normally, Mrs Tsukishima would've been doting on Tadashi and asking questions about their new relationship and about the school, but she wasn't in the right mood for that. Akiteru finally spoke up after finishing his meal.

"I'll pick everyone up at 1 pm, and we'll arrive at around 4 pm." 

"Okay, we just have to go get Tadashi's stuff from his house."

And with that, they walked out the door and into the street. The sun was shining high and the sky was a clear blue. The trees swayed softly in the gentle wind that was blowing. In about 10 minutes, they reached the house.

It seemed to loom above them, for a second, Tsukishima was anxious. Not for himself, but for Tadashi. Those were his parents, they got mad enough telling them that he liked boys, what would they do to Tadashi if he brought his boyfriend into the house with him. 

Yamaguchi slowly reached out and rested his hand on the door handle. He breathed in sharply and opened it. The door was unlocked. 

"Tadashi?" His mother's voice called out from the kitchen. Footsteps neared the kitchen door, and abruptly, the door swung open.

"It's you." His father stepped out, his mother following closely behind. Mr Yamaguchi looked disgusted, and his mother just looked... sad. Regretful; sorrowful. 

"And you brought that awful boy with you, I'm disappointed with you Tadashi. I expected more of you." His intense cold blue eyes locked onto Tadashi's.

"It's not my fault for being a disappointment. But it is my fault for loving him, but I'm not leaving him. I love him." Tadashi glared right back at his father. It was probably the first time he had defended himself. Whenever his father would yell at him, Tadashi would just hand his head and apologise or promise to him that he'll do better. 

Kei felt a little proud that he stood up for himself and his happiness.

"You- Its all your fault! You're the one leading him astray." Mr Yamaguchi stepped forward and grabbed Tsukishima by the arm. He lifted his arm, ready to slap Tsukishima. 

Someone grabbed his fathers arm, stopping him from hurting anyone.

"Don't you dare." 

Yamaguchi's mother held on tightly to his arm and forcefully pushed it down.

"I might not fully approve of their relationship. But he loves him, can't you see? I've never seen Tadashi this happy, he was smiling when he told us about them two. This is our son, Hideki. And I will love him no matter what." Tears dripped down her cheeks and onto the floor.

His father angrily moved his arm away and glared at his wife.

"He's your son now then. I want nothing to do with that- that faggot. If you want him, then take him."

His mother walked upstairs calmly and came down quickly holding two suitcases. She handed one of them to Tadashi.

"You were packing last night, so I finished for you."

She turned on her heel, and walked straight out of the door, not saying another word to her husband. Yamaguchi looked at his father one last time, grabbed Tsukishima's hand, and ran after his mother, who was calling for a Taxi.

"Mom, where are you going to stay?" He asked her, his face creasing up with worry after she finished the call.

"My sister, she'll let me stay with her until I find an apartment in the city or something. I'm sick of that man. I'm not the happiest with this relationship, but I love you Tadashi, so if he makes you happy, I'm fine with that. Goodbye, I love you, I'll see you soon; I promise." She kissed his forehead lightly, smiled at Tsukishima and stepped in the Taxi that arrived quickly.

Tadashi resembled his mother a lot, they had the same eyes that Tsukishima loved, and their hair colour was very similar, he also got his freckles from her. His mother was beautiful, there was no doubting that. 

"Let's go back, you need to pack." Yamaguchi smiled at his boyfriend, before taking his hand and holding his suitcase in the other. When they arrived back and went up to Tsukishima's room, Yamaguchi looked through his suitcase.

"She really managed to fit a lot in here. And there's a note!" He lifted up a piece of paper and started reading it.

"Dear Tadashi,

I'm so sorry for everything. Your father was awful, and he even hit you. I should've done something other than cry. I also have treated you awfully these past years, the truth is, I'm just a coward. I wasn't always successful, I was a poor college student, just barely surviving on my own with my cleaning jobs, until one day, I met Hideki, who offered me a job under him. He fell in love with me, and I accepted his confession.

I was scared if I disagree with him even once, I would lose my job. I prioritised my job over my child, how selfish is that? All I want for you is to be happy, and what I didnt realise, what that I was doing the opposite. I want you to be happy with Kei, but if he ever hurts you I will come for him. 

I left a spare key in the back zip pocket of your suitcase, so if you want when your father isn't home, you can get your things. You can stay with Kei if you want, or come live with me and my sister until we get an apartment. My sister's house is within walking distance to your school, so it wouldn't be an inconvenience.

Again, as long as you're happy, I don't mind where you stay.

I love you, my son, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. When you came into the world, I felt like the proudest mother alive. I had so many expectations of a great family life for you. But then Hideki turned on everything and refused to stay home to help with you. He told me that I would lose my job if I didnt come to work with him.

So I had to leave you with a baby sitter. I still feel regret over that. I should've been there for you. I understand if you hate me, I won't hold anything against you.

I'm running out of paper, so I will have to end this letter soon.

I love you so much, Tadashi. I'm so extremely lucky to have a brilliant son like you. I wouldn't swap you for the entire world. You're amazing, smart and hardworking.

Lots of love,

Your Mother xxx " The note read.

A small polaroid picture fell out of the envelope, it was an old picture of his mother holding a small baby who was sleeping in her arms. She was smiling and her eyes sparkled. She really did look proud of him. 

Yamaguchi was smiling himself now, he really did look like his mother when he smiled. Whenever Tsukishima saw her with her husband, she wasn't smiling, she always seemed to look sad.

Yamaguchi laughed a little before tucking the picture away back into the envelope.

"I don't hate her. I love her so much too. But she will be fine with Aunt Ayato. And we're going to have fun on our trip." 

"Yeah. It'll be so noisy. I should bring earplugs with me."

"But I will have to stay somewhere... And I can't live with your family forever."

"When we're eighteen we'll get our own place, just us two," Tsukishima replied putting a t-shirt in his suitcase. He nervously waited for his boyfriend's answer, what if didnt want to live with him?

"Yeah! That would be fun. What if I live with my mother and Aunt Ayato and then live with you when I'm eighteen, we only have a couple of years to go anyway." Yamaguchi smiled.

"That would work."

They proceeded to pack some clothes until Akiteru called them down. The car was filled with petrol and cleaned. 

"Where should we sit?" Yamaguchi asked Akiteru, who shrugged.

"Lets put Hinata and Noya in the boot. They're small. And maybe the King because he'll get lonely without his short queen." Tsukishima said gesturing to the boot of the car. Yamaguchi snickered, although Akiteru took him seriously and agreed to let the short people sit in the boot.

Akiteru started the car and picked everyone up in order of who lived the closest. The seating arrangements were like this:

Driver's seat: Akiteru.

Passengers seat: Daichi with Suga on his lap.

Back seat 1: Tsukishima with Yamaguchi on his lap.

Back seat 2: Kiyoko with Yachi on her lap.

Back seat 3: Narita with Kinoshita on his lap.

Back seat 4: Asahi with Noya on his lap.

Boot: Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka and Ennoshita.

They put Tanaka in the boot instead of Noya because someone needed to sit on Asahi and since he's so tall, Noya was the only one small enough to fit. 

And then Ennoshita was thrown in to supervise them because Hinata and Kageyama were not the smartest people and would probably open the boot door while the car was driving and try to stick their heads out, and Tanaka would only encourage them to do so.

Another loss for Ennoshita as he had to sit with three noisy people in a boot, for three hours.

They stopped at a convenience store halfway and got kicked out after havoc was caused. They were told to buy their snacks and leave. I won't get into all the details but let's just say that Rolling Thunder + Shelves + A bunch of overexcited teenagers = A huge mess to clean up after.

It took a while to pile up everyone in the car again, but they managed to squeeze everything in again. Akiteru was smiling the whole time, extremely happy that his little brother has such nice teammates.

Tsukishima started to feel sleepy in the car, due to the soft movement and motion. He rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and closed his eyes. It was suddenly so peaceful, it felt like all the stress and pressure of the day had completely melted away. He knew why.

Tsukishima opened his eyes and saw his boyfriend laughing at one of his teammates as they joked about something. He was the reason. His eyes were closed and he was brushing away a loose hair that got into his eyes. Tsukishima felt like the luckiest person alive, and he was. He felt blessed to have him as a boyfriend.

Tsukishima promised himself that he would let nothing ever happen to him, he would take a bullet for him, without thinking about it; in a heartbeat. 

He slowly drifted to sleep, burying his face in Tadashi's shoulder. This trip was going to be very tiring...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was going to be just fluff and the team trip. Then I threw akiteru into the mix to spice things up, then I decided to involve Tsukishima's parents, then Yamaguchi, then make his mom feel bad and stuff, and it ended up being 5000 words, and my normal chapters are around 2000. 
> 
> I was considering just making it one super duper long chapter, but it was already Saturday when I finished the first 5000 words and I would have no time to edit or re-read it all. So it would either be: get a really long but crappy chapter, or wait another week, but have it in better quality. And I chose the second option.
> 
> Originally, this was some bonus chapter that wasn't going to even happen in the story, but then it just plopped itself in the plot, so now this isn't a bonus chapter, it's part of the story. I wanted fluff, I wanted Tsukkiyama and I wanted a beach OVA, so combined them and this appeared-
> 
> So, sorry that you have to wait an extra week, but I hope you enjoy this regardless.
> 
> ALSO- My next book is confirmed to be an ABC prompt thing, buuuttt I can't pick a ship- KageHina or TsukkiYama, and I have pretty good ideas for both ships, so guess what. I'm DoInG bOtH sHiPs-   
> So imagine the prompt for A is... apple, I would write either a short KageHina chapter about apples? and then the next chapter would go onto another A with a different idea, e.g: Aloe vera (???) And I would write a chapter about TsukkiYama and... aloe vera (?????) Then go onto B and so on.  
> So there will be 2 chapters per letter, with Kagehina and Tsukiyama.
> 
> This is long, I'm sorry-
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Stay Safe! xxx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iTs ThE fInAl ChApTeR-
> 
> *sung in the same way as the final countdown-*

Tsukishima was stirred by a bump in the road, everyone was asleep apart from the loveable idiot duo in the boot giggling about something stupid. Yamaguchi had fallen asleep while resting his head on the car window, his hand was lying on his lap. Kei reached over and put his hand on top of Yamaguchi's.

"Everyone's asleep, well apart from the other two in the boot. Kageyama and Hinata, right? We'll be there in about an hour." Akiteru suddenly announced from in front of them.

"Yeah. I can't wait to get out of the car."

"Whyyy~ Is it so you can kiiiiissss your boyfriend?" Hinata teased, he was lucky that Tsukishima couldn't reach him, or else he would've died right at that moment.

"Tch, like you and the King, don't do stuff like that, and we aren't blatantly obvious, excuse me." 

Kageyama stuck his head through the headrests.

"Yeah, but we all saw you kiss. It was in that old field thing-"

"Shush Kageyama, they're not supposed to know that!" Hinata whisper-yelled at him, which earned him a simple 'boke' in response.

"You what." Tsukishima nearly swung around, his face pink. Yamaguchi yawned and turned his head.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. You can go back to sleep, Tadashi."

Akiteru started chuckling at all the commotion that was happening in the back. If Tsukishima didn't tell him that he was in a relationship with Tadashi, he surely would've found out now. They passed by a couple of fields that seemed to stretch off into the far horizons. The number of cars driving on the roads lessened every turn they took. Little by little, everyone started waking up.

"Oh yeah, Akiteru, do you want to see some pictures I have? I'll send them over to you when I get the internet back on my phone. They're pretty cool you could say." Suga piped up, waving his phone around in the air. Hinata burst out into laughter after hearing this statement. 

Tsukishima was the one left in the dark, not knowing what pictures he was speaking of.

Akiteru nodded his head. "Yeah sure, I don't know what photos they are, but I trust you. Also, we'll be there in half an hour." Noya whooped loudly from where he was sitting on Asahi and Tanaka quickly followed suit. After thirty minutes of loud cheering and excitement, the car drew up to a beach with a small car park.

Daichi rounded up everyone and told them where they were staying. There were five extremely small rooms, and fourteen people, so they gave Kiyoko and Yachi their own room and divided it evenly the best they could. 

It wasn't a rather large house, the reason there were five bedrooms was because they were tiny and because Daichi's uncle rents out the rooms occasionally.

"Okay, guys, In the first room, we have, Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. 

In the second room, we have, Me, Suga, Ennoshita and Tanaka.

In the third room, Kiyoko and Yachi,

And in the fourth one, Kinoshita, Narita, Asahi and Noya. 

And Akiteru is to sleep in the other room."

Tsukishima groaned when his name was called out, sleep was not possible with those two in the room. 

Ennoshita had tears leaking down his face at the thought of sharing a room with Suga and Daichi, the couple that can't go long without physical contact, and Tanaka, who is extremely loud. Daichi explained that he had split up Tanaka and Noya since nobody would get any sleep if they were together in the same room for more than five minutes.

Commercial Break~

Ennoshita is tired, Ennoshita is sick of this crap, we need less Ennoshita abuse in the world, he has seen too many scarring things, Ennoshita is traumatised now as a result. Donate one dollar/euro/pound ect, today to help stop Ennoshita abuse. Your help can make one Ennoshita slightly less scarred by helping to pay for the professional therapist that will try their best to help him unsee the things he has. This message comes from the 'Help Ennoshita' charity.

Back to the story~

It took some hauling to get everyone's bags in their respective rooms, but they managed it not before long. It was chaos, Hinata was spinning around in their room and hit his face off of a radiator as soon as he stepped foot into the room, he got a nosebleed and a bruise but was fine other than that.

Tanaka stood outside the girl's room with Noya and declared that they were going to guard it all day and all night and finally, to top it all off, the cherry on top of the ice cream, all Kageyama packed was a volleyball, his phone, his wallet, his toothbrush and ten cartons of milk in a freezer bag. 

He was going to borrow somebody's clothes, but nobody bought any extra clothes, so Kageyama just had to wear the same clothes. He should've thought more before packing milk and a volleyball. 

Instead of admitting that he should've packed clothes instead, he sat down on a chair, drank his milk, and told everyone that he did nothing wrong and only packed the necessities.

In the house, there was a small kitchen and sadly, there were no restaurants or cafes nearby, so that means... they would have to cook. Daichi nearly had a heart attack when he realised, and contemplated putting locks on everything in the kitchen so the first and second years couldn't grab any knives and accidentally stab themselves or someone else.

And knowing Hinata and Kageyama, they would 120% get into a dumb argument and start stabbing each other with the kitchen knives. Daichi really didnt want to have to go home early and explain to their parents why their children are in the hospital with stab wounds.

"Alright everybody, can anyone here cook decently? This is a secluded area with no restaurants nearby, so we have to cook. Noya, Tanaka, Kageyama, Hinata... don't even bother putting your hands up, we all know you can't cook at all."

Ennoshita, Kiyoko, and Yachi put their hands up. 

"Alright, we have a few. What foods can you cook?"

Ennoshita answered with, "Things like omurice, noodles, fried rice, Yakitori, basic stuff like that." And both of the females both could cook things like curry and meat quite well, so the few people who could cook, could make basic food. That was good, now they wouldn't starve to death.

Daichi cleared his throat before speaking up for the second time. His voice was going to be gone by the end of this trip.

"So, we can play at the beach for a while, and then Ennoshita, Kiyoko and Yachi can cook something, there's a small store Akiteru could drive you to, so you can buy ingredients there. We'll meet back here at 7 pm. Make sure Hinata and Kageyama don't get lost since those two are known for that..." He looked in the direction of the two guys who were already arguing over sitting space.

There was only one bed per room, so sleeping arrangements were a problem. Yachi and Kiyoko were sharing the bed, so there were no difficulties for them. Akiteru had a bed to himself since he drove them there, and decided to stay since there was no point going home. Hinata suggested that everyone shared the bed, but Tsukishima refused to share a bed with him and Kageyama.

So instead, Hinata, Kageyama and Yamaguchi shared the bed, whilst Tsukishima slept on the floor with a pillow and blanket. Asahi, Noya, Narita and Kinoshita all shared the bed, there was more space for them since Noya is quite small. Asahi was big, but if he and Noya squish up, there would be just enough space.

"Oh! Don't forget your suncream!!" Suga exclaimed, yanking out his bottle of suncream and lathering some on Hinata who complained and tried to wiggle away.

This is Suga's suncream, by the way:

https://cdn1.woolworths.media/content/wowproductimages/large/742305.jpg

Suga attacked everybody with suncream before they walked out the door, telling them that they would get burned if they didn't. When everyone was protected from sunburns, they were permitted to go outside.

Hinata and Kageyama played volleyball on the sand, but it proved too difficult to play in the slippery sand, and the rock area was no better, so they raced each other around the beach instead. Daichi acted as the lifeguard making sure nobody drowned. 

Akiteru sat in a chair next to Daichi and Suga, reading a book. Asahi was talking about cooking with Yachi and Kiyoko since he wanted to learn how to cook.

"HEY RYUU, WOULDN'T IT BE SO FREAKING COOL IF I DID ROLLING THUNDER IN THE WATER?? I CAN CALL IT ROLLING WAVES, ISNT THAT SO EPIC!!"

"THAT WOULD BE SO COOL, DO IT, DUDE!! IM CHEERING FOR YOU!!"

Noya and Tanaka roared at each other during their splashing contest. Daichi was slow on the uptake, but when he realised what Noya was planning, he sprang up to try and stop him.

"NOYA DONT DO THAT! THAT'S DANGEROUS-"

It was too late, Noya rolled forward into the deep shallow area of the ocean. Tanaka yelled his name multiple times, but Noya didn't come up for air. Our lifeguard, Daichi, plunged into the freezing and salty water to rescue the short reckless boy. Daichi didnt come up for a while, but when he did, he brought a coughing Noya up with him.

He weakly held up a thumbs-up to Tanaka and flopped back into Daichi's arms. Noya's eyes were closed and he was coughing up an alarming amount of water, mixed with a good bit of blood, that was not a good sign.

Suga worried that he would need to go to the hospital, and Asahi wept, vowing that he would visit his grave every single day if he died and apologised for leaving the club and that one time he forgot to give back Noya the pencil that he borrowed from him. 

Akiteru clutched at his phone tightly, prepared to call for an ambulance to cart Noya off to the clinic. There was nobody else on the beach like Daichi said earlier, it was a remote place. It was a lot busier and crowded during the summer, but right now it was spring, and obviously, nobody wanted to go to the beach.

There also was no actual lifeguards, which was a serious safety hazard, but Daichi had done a course a long time ago about lifeguarding, so everything was fine.

The rest of the team stood nervously to the side, Hinata was already asking what colours Noya liked so that he could place flowers those exact colours at his grave, and Kageyama was planning to leave a volleyball at his shrine as an offering. Yamaguchi was awkwardly patting Asahi on the back, who was still sobbing and begging for forgiveness at Noya's unconscious body.

Fortunately, Noya opened his eyes a couple of minutes later and insisted he was fine. He coughed up some more water and blood before standing up and running around to prove his health was normal. Daichi banned him from doing 'Rolling Waves' in the ocean again, and he now had to have a third-year look out for him when he was swimming or near the water at all times.

That was only the first incident that occurred on this team trip, and they were only there for about an hour... The next accident involved our poor traumatised child, none other than, Ennoshita. Hinata and Kageyama got into another dumb argument about whether a tomato was a fruit or not, and Hinata stormed off furiously, Kageyama pursuing after him.

Suga ordered that Ennoshita go get them back, though he tried to say no, Suga insisted that he go and threatened him with posting embarrassing pictures online. He ended up walking in on a heavy makeout session, Ennoshita just walked back out and told Suga that they were busy. 

Tsukishima was comfortable just sitting in a chair and listening to music or reading the whole time, but his boyfriend begged him to come and swim with him for a while. He reluctantly took off his glasses to prevent them from getting lost and walked into the cold water.

His glasses were safe, but he certainly wasn't. Tsukishima was nearsighted, which meant that he could only see things that were close, and everything else that was far away was blurry. 

Noya snuck up behind him a couple of times and shoved him forwards, so Yamaguchi took his hand and led him around the water, attempting to show him things like crabs or cool looking rocks. Sadly, everything looked fuzzy to him unless it was shoved right in his face, and Tsukishima didnt really feel like having a crab inches away from his eyes. 

A couple of times, Hinata came into the water, scooped up some, and said that if Tsukishima was a beverage, he would be ocean water, since it was so salty. When Tsukishima corrected him saying that ocean water wasn't considered a beverage, Hinata got irritated and splashed his 'beverage' right in Tsukishima's face. Today was not the best day for Tsukishima...

He finally got to sit back down in his chair when Yamaguchi went to the bathroom inside the house. When he came out, he was holding a board of some sort.

"Is that a surfboard? Do you know how to surf?" Tsukishima asked, pointing at the surfboard.

Yamaguchi nodded his head and smiled.

"I took classes for a while, and there's a couple of waves now, so I thought I'd give it a try when I found this in a cupboard."

Yamaguchi went back into the water and positioned himself on the surfboard. He managed to ride on a small wave, and then get onto the larger ones. Most of the club was staring at him with their mouths hanging wide open.

Tsukishima was also slightly shocked, but mainly happy since his boyfriend looked a lot more confident riding on the waves. His eyes shone as he rode along with the tall waves. He looked really good, his hair blowing in the wind, his slightly tanned skin in the sun, his slender body in those shorts he was wearing... 

Luckily nobody could see Tsukishima's blush-ridden face, because if they had, they totally would've known what he was thinking about, and Suga would've unquestionably called him out on it.

When Yamaguchi got back onto the land, he was surrounded by everyone asking him questions and complimenting him on his surfing skills. Yamaguchi went red and bashfully answered everyone's queries.

When Tsukishima saw that he was getting a bit too nervous, he stood up, put his hand on Yamaguchi's back and ushered everyone away. Akiteru had the same goofy grin as before when that happened, and whispered a 'thanks for those pictures by the way' to Suga, who winked at him.

At around 6:30 pm, Akiteru drove Ennoshita, Yachi and Kiyoko to the small store and they came back with groceries and ice cream for afterwards. Tanaka and Noya nearly melted at the sight of their goddess Kiyoko in an apron and actually melted when she hit them on the head.

The food was great and everyone enjoyed it. They made beef curry and rice with Mugicha. Everyone ate heartily and some had second servings. When dinner was finished, they ate the ice cream and watched a movie called 'Thy Alias' about two teenagers who swap bodies (props to anyone who gets the reference ;D ). Before they knew it, it was time to sleep. 

Tsukishima curled up on the floor, pulling his blanket closer to his body. The floor was hard and cold, but it was way better than sharing the bed with two people who sweated literal buckets. The first day of this team trip had already ended, and the second and last day was just beginning.

When Kei woke up, his body felt strangely warm despite still laying on the cool wooden floor. He opened his eyes to see his boyfriend cuddled up next to him, his arm wrapped around Kei's neck. Quickly, he leaned in and gave him a kiss on the forehead before pulling away. blushing and hoping nobody had seen.

The blond carefully detached Tadashi from him and sat up and looked around him. Kageyama and Hinata were still asleep. The orange took up most of the bed since he was sprawled out comfortably on the mattress.

Tsukishima slowly stood up and pattered over to the kitchen. Suga, Daichi, Asahi, Noya, Tanaka, Kiyoko, Yachi and Akiteru were sitting at the table chatting quietly, except for Ennoshita who was curled up in the corner whimpering and mumbling unintelligible things.

"Good morning Kei. Sleep well?" Akiteru asked his younger brother, who was staring at the upset person in the corner with confusion.

"Yeah, I slept okay. What's up with Ennoshita though?"

Ennoshita started sobbing uncontrollably and rocking back and forth violently.

"The noisES. THEY WERE SO LOUD I COULDN'T SLEEP. I HAD TO LAY THERE NEXT TO THEM AS THEY MADE OUT AND WENT EVEN FURTHER THAN THAT AND THEY THOUGHT EVERYBODY WAS ASLEEP BUT NO. MAYBE TANAKA CAN SLEEP THROUGH IT BUT I CERTAINLY CAN'T." Ennoshita repeatedly jabbed his finger at Suga and Daichi who both turned red and looked away.

Tsukishima swore that he heard Suga mumble, "But we weren't that loud..." but he has no proof that it happened.

Yamaguchi walked out of their shared room, with Hinata and Kageyama trailing after him. Hinata's hair was even messier than usual, it stuck up everywhere, while Kageyama's hair was still perfectly in place, Tsukishima wondered just how much hairspray he used to keep it like that at all times. 

There could be a tornado in Kageyama's house, it could suck him up, spit him back out again, and his hair would not budge, every individual hair would stay flawless. Yamaguchi had his normal bedhead hair that Kei found adorable. 

"Are we gonna have breakfast now??" Hinata asked hopping up and down, nearly whacking his head off of the ceiling. Kiyoko motioned over to the fridge, and when Hinata opened it, he discovered a plate of riceballs sitting on the top shelf. He picked it up, took a riceball and handed the plate to Kageyama, who did the same.

By now, a couple of the others started to stir and come out of their rooms. When everyone was up, Daichi suggested going to the beach until lunch and then taking a break to eat. 

As soon as they got there, Kageyama looked at Hinata and pulled out a volleyball, while Hinata pulled out a... portable volleyball net?? Hinata told them that he managed to fit it in his suitcase, somehow. The team learned to not even question them anymore. With the power of volleyball and gayness, they could do anything.

The two volleyball addicted idiots ran over to some flat grass to set up the net and start playing. They apparently found a grassy area somewhere behind the house and got extremely excited.

Akiteru's eyes were wide as he looked at Daichi.

"Don't worry. This is normal, if they could, they would play volleyball 24/7. Literally, no sleeping or eating." Daichi sighed, putting covering his face with his hand. Suga let out a bunch of laughter before adding onto Daichi's statement.

"If they ever adopt a child, they would name it Volleyball. Poor Volleyball would be neglected since all they would do is play, that child wouldn't eat. Besides, neither of them can cook well. So Volleyball would either get food poisoning or starve."

Kiyoko and Yachi sat down on the beach chairs when suddenly Tanaka came over and sat on the sand beside them. He claimed that he would protect them from any danger and any hormone-filled teenagers that would come within a metre of them.

Noya would've helped him to protect his goddess and her friend but he was burying Asahi in the sand instead. He promised that he would bury him and then let him straight out, but that's not what ended up happening.

Asahi was buried right up to his neck, Noya did a good job of packing the sand tightly because Asahi was stuck. It was a good distance away from where Daichi and Suga were sitting, which was planned by Noya since he knew that they would stop him from leaving his large friend behind in the yellow sand.

"Well, bye-bye Asahi! Have fun!" Noya laughed before running off into the distance. At this point, Asahi was crying. His mind instantly went to 'that everyone would forget about him, and leave him to rot in the sand'.

Daichi came to his rescue after he heard sobbing, he dug up the sand, freeing him from his confines. Noya was scolded by Suga and was forced to pledge not to bury people in the sand again. 

Meanwhile, Tsukishima got roped into doing Suikawari, also known as Watermelon Splitting While Blindfolded. Yamaguchi was the one giving him directions, but he panicked so often that it got confusing.

"Move a little to the right- wait left! Actually- wait no, move forward!" 

Tsukishima wanted to tear the blindfold off, find his abandoned glasses, sit somewhere and read the book he had brought along. But then his boyfriend would get upset, and he didnt want that either. 

"Okay Kei, move a liiiitle to the left- wait, no backwards- actually move right." Tsukishima decided to just get it over with and hit. He gritted his teeth, lifted the bat and lowered it down his as much force as he could use.

"HEY!! YOU JERK. YOU RUINED MY SAND!!" Hinata shrieked at Tsukishima as he took off the blindfold. A large lump of sand lay where Hinata pointed. Kageyama had an annoyed expression on his face as he stood up.

"I thought you guys were playing volleyball?" Yamaguchi asked from behind Tsukishima.

"We were, but then Daichi forced us to stop and do something else. He said we could get...what was it Kageyama? Oh! Heatstroke, whatever that is, sounds fun. So we were making a sand volleyball instead." Hinata answered, gesturing to the destroyed sand volleyball. Tsukishima nearly strangled them both, could they not go a second without doing anything volleyball related??

The answer is no by the way.

"Anyway, sorry about your 'sand volleyball'." Tsukishima rolled his eyes and reached for where his glasses where. He grabbed air instead.

"Tadashi, have you seen my glasses?" 

"Um, you left them over here, right?" Yamaguchi's voice sounded slightly nervous as Tsukishima could make out a blur looking around for the missing glasses. If they were lost, Tsukishima was essentially blind for the rest of the trip until they got back to the main city and got new ones.

"Tangerine, King, did you take my fucking glasses, if you give them back now, I won't hurt you that badly," Tsukishima grumbled, stumbling over to where he presumed the two idiots were sitting.

"Uh, Tsukishima. We're over here? Wow, you really are blind..." He heard Kageyama utter before he felt a hand on his shoulder. Kageyama's face was clear since he was close by. 

"Are you okay Tsukishima? You're squinting, oh, you're not wearing your glasses." Yachi came over to check out the situation. 

"I'm fine, I just can't find my glasses. Have you seen them?" 

He saw a Yachi-shaped blur looking around the area before exclaiming. "Is this it?" She bent down and pulled out some glasses covered in sand. "They were in a pile of sand."

Yamaguchi reached out and inspected the glasses before he used his little cloth to clean them.

"They're kinda dirty, but you'll be able to see now Kei." Tsukishima's sight was brought back. He saw how pale Kageyama and Hinata looked as they looked at their destroyed sand volleyball and back at Tsukishima. 

"I think we accidentally buried them in our sand volleyball. Please don't hit-" 

Hinata's face was shoved in the sand, and Kageyama was beaten on the head. Luckily, the human tangerine was fine, he sat up, coughed some sand out, and started yelling at the blond. Yamaguchi and Yachi were sitting on the wall together and watching everything unfold.

Tsukishima was about to injure them further, but a shout came from where everyone else was staying. 

"GUYS! ITS TIME FOR DINNNEEERRRRR!!" The voice belonged to Tanaka, who was most likely ripping off his clothes right now and whirling them around. The five of them walked back to the main beach area and followed the group back to the residence.

Ennoshita and Kiyoko had already made dinner without Yachi, which made her feel extremely guilty for not helping, though Kiyoko insisted it was okay. When everyone was seated at the large table, Akiteru stood up to make a toast.

"I'd like to just say thanks. For being considerate towards Kei, he's not the most social person, so he doesn't have many friends. But you guys are really nice, and I'm relieved to see how good of a team he has. I had fun on this trip, and I wouldn't at all mind driving you guys whenever you want to go on another trip. I wish you all the best of luck in your next match." 

Tsukishima's face was bright red, and he wanted to slide off his chair and under the table. The club started applauding his speech and thanked him for being their driver. 

There weren't that many accidents until Hinata dropped a plate while drying the dishes, everybody else was asleep or in their rooms, Hinata graciously offered to do the dishes with Kageyama, just so they wouldn't have to sleep. 

Suga made sure everyone slept enough and tucked all the first and second years into bed and even read them stories. Hinata wanted him to read 'An Excellent Females Pamphlet to Homicide' and Suga agreed to do so. But with what would happen next, his story was cancelled due to bad behaviour.

(I legit just looked at my bookshelf, chose a random book, and changed the name. If you know what book it is, I'm incredibly impressed with you and you are really really cool.)

Kageyama meanly laughed at him about the plate breaking and Hinata got very mad and threw a plate at his head. fortunately, Kageyama ducked in time and the plate smashed against the wall behind him.

Noya ran in to stop them, but got involved in the throwing of objects, and flung a fork at Kageyama, and this time, it stabbed him right in the arm. Blood started flowing down his sleeve and onto the floor in alarming amounts, and when Yachi walked in, she fainted from pure fear.

Tanaka ran in after Yachi's horrified screams and laughed at all the drama. He hit Noya on the head with a mug, that miraculously didn't break. Noya fell onto the floor, laughing and clutching his head, and in retaliation hurled that same mug at Tanaka, who this time, it hit him in the face. Tanaka got a nosebleed and started throwing the mug at Noya, who threw it again, and so on.

Then came Daichi, who shut down the object throwing, wrapped Kageyama's arm in a bandage, handed Tanaka a cloth, sat Yachi down on the couch and got her a cup of water, and scolded Hinata, Noya and Tanaka.

All Tsukishima wanted was to sleep, but with all the ruckus, sleep wasn't likely. This was the final day, and tomorrow, they were going to go home. He could finally sleep in his own bed.

Tsukishima felt his eyes get heavy, so he relaxed his body, and succumbed to sleep.

He was awoken at around 2 a.m since he heard the wind howl loudly from outside. Sitting up, he noticed that Tadashi wasn't anywhere in the room. 

"Maybe he left?" Tsukishima wondered, standing up and exiting the room. After walking out the main door, he believed that he saw a figure standing on the sand and staring at the sky. When he got closer, he realised that it was, in fact, his missing boyfriend.

"Tadashi?" He murmured when he got nearer.

"Why are you out here?"

Yamaguchi paused before answering.

"Kageyama and Hinata are really noisy when they make out, and I also wanted to look at the stars." His boyfriend turned around and grinned at him, then pointed upwards.

The sky was pitch-black and was filled with tiny white stars that glowed in the deep night. The stars reflected in his boyfriend's eyes as he smiled up at them.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Tadashi asked him, who looked straight at him and replied with "Yeah, you- they are." 

The green-brown haired male reached over and grabbed Tsukishima's hand. He then leaned in and kissed him gently. The beauty of his boyfriend and the shining stars in the night sky was enough to make him grin.

As he held on tightly to Tadashi and they looked at the stars together, even though he didnt show it, he was looking forward to their next team trip. His team was bearable, and he enjoyed spending time with Tadashi. 

Though his boyfriend didnt see it, he was much more beautiful than the stars to him, he was more beautiful than anything, inside and outside. He reached in and helped him with his struggles, and not once ridiculed him for it. Without him, who knows what could've happened to Tsukishima. It could've led to something awful like self-harm or perhaps even suicide.

Now with him, he had something to live for and look forward to every day. Tsukishima didnt like promises, but he had two now. One Tadashi knew about, and the other one was one that he decided to keep secret for a while.

That he would try his very best to eat and be happy with himself.

And, that one day, he would marry Tadashi, him and only him.

He could never possibly love someone more than he loved his boyfriend.

That was for sure.

He couldn't wait to be eighteen and start his new life together with Tadashi.

They would face their fears together.

They would be happy... together.

He would never have to be alone again.

Finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over my probably greatest work yet. This was originally only going to be on Wattpad, but then I changed my mind and put it here as well. Out of all 4 fanfictions, I have ever written, this is surely and by far my favourite. I'm actually pretty sad it's over. I had loads of fun writing it.  
> And this was supposed to come out on Monday, but I'm tired and decided to take Monday off writing. My schedule is, I spend Monday-Wednesday writing the chapter, and then Thursday-Sunday editing it, and as soon as I publish the chapter on Monday, I start writing the next one. And I write for about 3-4 hours each day-  
> So yeah, I want a break.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left comments, kudos or bookmarked this, it makes me extremely happy to see that people like this. I remember when I first posted it here and got a comment, I was so happy, it made my day! 
> 
> Without writing, I probably wouldn't be here. Writing was always my greatest comfort, I remember during writing one of these chapters, chapter 9 I think, my parents were arguing and I started crying. I took out my computer and started writing the chapter, it made me smile and feel better. At one point in my life, I was suicidal. The reason I never followed through, was because I got help from friends, and because of writing and reading.
> 
> It felt amazing to just forget about the real world and my problems, and pour my heart out into a new chapter. The reason I write things about self-harm or self-hatred is because I know what that's like, and I understand how it is like to hate yourself. This fanfiction helped me so much, with making me laugh, smile, distracting myself, and giving me a reason to be productive, but most importantly, love myself. 
> 
> Sadly, I don't have anyone like Yamaguchi in my life to help me, but I can always write about it. Haikyuu also helped me so much by making me happy and excited. 
> 
> I'm really sorry for venting like this, because well, nobody asked for it. I just felt like letting out some steam. Sorry again :)
> 
> If anyone here struggles with eating disorders, or depression, anxiety ect, please I beg of you, get help. It's not nice to bottle things up, and yes, I can't say anything since I have social anxiety and I just try to forget about it. But don't be like me, talk to someone, please :) IF you have nobody, send me an email, my email address is in my profile, and I will talk to you if you need it :))
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this final chapter, and remember to stay safe!!
> 
> \- Gabrielle xxx


End file.
